Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Yesterday, I sent the following e-mail to the Canadian consulate in Seattle:


This message is in reference to our application for permanent residency. Our file number is: XXXXXXXXX.

We are writing to verify that we are in compliance with all that was requested of us in the letter dated 13 April 2007 and in the follow-up to our medical examinations; we believe we are. We want to be sure that there is nothing we should be doing at this time (other than patiently waiting).

Thank you for your time and attention.

This was the response I received today:

I sent you the final letter requesting your passport(s) for visa issuance yesterday to the following address: XXXXXXXXXXX (thanks for your patience)

Immigration Section

My hands are shaking. I think I'm going to throw up ...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

In My Own Private Idaho

So ... I couldn't believe that I had missed Tom & Emilio's big news; I hadn't realized that I had been so remiss in my "Canada reading" as I call it. I am so very very happy. As I commented to them directly, I am humbled by the binational couples. For Alan and me, this is a choice. For them, it is survival. As nervous as we are and have been throughout this process, I can't really know what it would be like to be fighting to be together. I was in tears (of frustration and then relief) reading Gito and Juan's story. Now, we have another joyful conclusion (and a new hope-full beginning) for the other binational couple in our little "family."

It comes down to the Vancouver guys and Alan & me. I've commented on their blog that I find myself in a weird place emotionally. Although I'm a Meyers-Briggs "J" that craves closure, I'm going to be a mess when we do get a decision. I don't know how to explain it, but as bad as the waiting is, it's become an old friend. When we get the final "yay" or "nay" we will be forced to move on. It's the difference between being engaged and being married. I've got pre-wedding jitters ...

In U.S. and world news, I'm like a deer in the headlights. I just don't move or do anything; I'm overwhelmed. Alan and I give money, but we haven't put ourselves out there. I'm not proud of that. I keep telling myself that I'll become more involved if/when we get to Canada where I can be part of a political party that I won't have to hold my nose to "vote" for (yes, I know I won't be able to vote) and the general atmosphere is more one of community engagement. But am I excusing and fooling myself? Will I then have settling in as a distraction? Are my priorities only selfish in wanting a better life for Alan and me, but not really committed to helping improve (in any small way) the larger community?

I read L-girl's blog and in the face of real issues, I take brave stands on precious dogs and cute baseball players. It's not that I don't care. But isn't it what one DOES that really shows what's important to a person? Why do I get locked into my own little dramas with accompanying anxiety which then take my energy from acting in the "outside" world?

Those are the questions I ask myself. And I'm not that happy with what I see.