Would Be Canadians

New Guidelines for Skilled Workers

2008-11-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

So, after nearly a year, the Harper government has given the CIC instructions on how to process Skilled Worker applications received on or after February 27, 2008. The list of jobs is a lot shorter than it was when Alan and I applied. We would not have made it. So, it looks like we got here within about a three-year window when the point threshold was lowered to 67 from 75 and before the acceptable work experience list was decimated. We lucked out, I guess. I feel bad for those trying to follow us.

And the usual mea culpa, etc: I'm really behind in the blogging world, I need to catch up with y'all, and I need to write something about the past few months -- and I'm planning on doing so once this term is over, which will be soon. Basically, we're doing just fine and Vancouver has been good for us. Life marches on and the truth is I'm just not the most energetic person in the world. I put a lot into my work and once I get home, I don't have much left. Still trying to figure out how to balance it all and have my life reflect my values in terms of how I spend my time and resources.

Vancouver, British Columbia, CANADA

2008-07-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

Wow. Time flies by when you’re disoriented. I mean, I’m still gay … I just feel like I’m “neither here nor there.” The apartment feels like a messy crowded hotel room and I’m still a tourist in the city. I feel like I’m letting y’all down when I say this: my emotions are all over the place. I love Vancouver and I love Canada … and I’m also homesick for Seattle and the people I know and love there. (I’m not homesick for the U.S. And, by the way, I read with real tears the news of the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on the 2nd Amendment. Scalia is a hateful reactionary.) I’m riding the emotional roller-coaster and Alan, bless his heart, is along for the ride. “But only when you’re awake, dear,” he tells me.

Let’s start with where we’re at and then go back to the Big Move. Our cats have made the transition much faster and with much less anxiety than I thought they would. (Better than I …) Especially after what they went through (getting to that). The younger one was in shock for a few hours. They’re doing great now. (Finding wood to knock.) We’re getting them a new deluxe cat tree and putting it in the corner that has windows on both sides; it will be high up and they’ll have interior and exterior views that will allow them to survey their domain.

Our stuff is in the apartment and it’s not quite as small as we remembered, although it is a tight fit and there are some challenges we’ve yet to master. Some scuffs here and there, but so far, nothing found broken in our belongings. We’ve unpacked a lot and still have more to go. We’re doing a lot of things the same way we did in Seattle, but occasionally ask if it makes sense to do so. I think it will really feel like home when we start putting up our wall decorations (posters/art, photos, grandmother’s quilt, etc.). A lot of this is just normal move stuff, I guess.

Phone was hooked up when we moved in, as promised (although it took us a while to find a phone to plug in). Cable was on time with the installation appointment Thursday. Internet was confusing. We’re using ADSL with Telus. You’ll hear about it if it sucks; so far, it’s pretty good now that it’s up and running. (At one point, you might have heard me yelling at Telus’s automated call answering system – no matter where you were – but that’s behind us for now …) We’re getting more phone jacks installed tomorrow, as there is only one in the whole apartment. Wireless? you may inquire. Not big fans. (Never give out personal information on a cordless phone – and I’m not being paranoid. There are people who listen in for fun even though it’s illegal to do so and there are people who listen in for profit.)

I picked up our first Canadian credit cards yesterday that we applied for last week. (It’s a secured card through Vancity, where we do our banking.) We signed up for our BC IDs and they’ll arrive by mail in about four weeks. We were able to get library cards on the spot. I've enrolled with Air Miles. I still have to fill out our provincial health insurance forms. The bad news, apparently is that the clock doesn’t start from when one arrives in BC, but from when they receive the form. Had I known that, I would have had it ready ahead of time. Now the goal is to get it there well before the end of July.

We’re finding places to buy our necessities, preferred products or suitable substitutes. I was gleeful to find my regular beverage of choice, seltzer (although they don’t call it that here). (And club soda is not the same thing. And, yes, I guess I’m an old Jewish man.)

We had our first Timbits breakfast as residents. (There’s no Tim Hortons in the West End and maybe that’s a good thing.) This morning, we walked about the seawall and one of the trails in Stanley Park: glorious. It is so cool to be hiking through a forest with no signs of the city and yet still be in our backyard. We saw a bald eagle resting on a rock along the coast and the next thing we knew, it was joined by another! We also saw ducks, geese, and swans on the Lost Lagoon. Hey, we’re city-dwellers; this is a big deal to us!

That’s just it: I’m a mix of excitement and happiness at new discoveries and successes, but also frustration and sadness at losses of the regular company of loved ones and ridiculous challenges such as businesses that take MasterCard but not Visa – virtually unheard of in the States, but common here – and banks that won’t accept cash. (Read that one again. I was pulling my hair out.)

Back to the move. In the interest of the historical (hysterical) record, I report that on the Sunday before the Big Move I lost it. I would say in the top five lifetime anxiety attacks. The kind that people call 911 about and a friend almost did. But Alan and I knew better and decided that this was what the “emergency pills” are for and, after about an hour, I calmed down. I may seem to make light of it now, but I will say it was very painful. The magnitude of the change and loss hit me hard. I had said a lot of goodbyes in the past month, including an especially difficult one earlier that day.

The move was scheduled, as you may remember, for Wednesday, June 25. We were told to be ready at 11:00 AM and I thought that was kind of late but figured they knew better than I. The truck didn’t show up until after 3:30, the loading started at about 4:00 and I think we finished at about 7:30. There were just two men who were good guys and hard workers, but young. Alan, our friend V., and I worked our butts off to help get it done as quickly as possible. (To our surprise, the movers said we had more stuff than they had planned. When we moved from New Orleans to Seattle, the movers were struck by how little we had. We hadn’t acquired that much in the meantime.) Alan, the cats, and I plus computers and important papers/files went in V.'s car.

It was maybe 10:30 when we got to the border. The truck went through the commercial lane (which apparently wasn’t necessary and also served to cause suspicion) and was stuck in queue. After maybe an hour, the truck got to the front of the line and … the driver had an expired license. The other guy had no license. For reasons still not understood by me, the driver decided to tell the border agents that we were friends, trying to hide that they were hired workers. This made me very nervous and the agents smelled something funny. I decided to ignore whatever the driver said and made no reference to it and just answered all questions directly, pretending that I didn’t notice that what I said didn’t jibe with what the driver said. I won’t lie – and why would I? There’s nothing wrong with hiring movers to move your stuff. And we had our goods to follow list and everything was on the up and up.

Amazingly, the border agents were not hard-asses and they could have been. The driver was clearly lying to them and his license was expired. I feel sure that had we been dealing with the other side of the border, things would have been much worse. After 3 agents inspected the contents of the truck and looked over our list, they decided to let us (Alan, V., and me) move on. The guys and the truck had to wait for their supervisor to come get them. (By the way, the supervisor was making noises about charging us more because the move was going into two days! Like it was our fault! Or desire! It seems like a discount would have been more appropriate. I was gearing up for a fight, I tell you.

We couldn’t get in to our apartment because it was after midnight and the office was closed and we didn’t have keys. So we stayed at a not-first-choice hotel for a few hours, smuggling the cats in and letting them out of their carriers for the first time in many hours. (We put out water and an improvised litter box, but I don’t think they used either. They were somewhat traumatized.) Alan and I fell on the beds without showering or removing our clothes and managed a restless nap, getting up early to meet the movers at the new apartment building. (We had to schlep our stuff in and out of the car because there was only on-street parking and Vancouver is notorious for car break-ins.) We were exhausted in every way.

The move-in went pretty smoothly Thursday morning. (“drf” from “Moved to Vancouver” witnessed the semi-hysterical Daniel during move-in; I think I had had less than eight hours sleep total in three days.) The moving company charged only as we had agreed, so no fight. We put V. up in a (nice) hotel for another night and we used her room to shower and hang out, as we had no energy and our place was a messy warehouse. (The cats had their needs met. They made the place home quickly and maybe that was because they had been in those damn carriers and weird hotel room for so long. At least they recognized our/their stuff.)

So, here we are. I’m in a more regular routine, trying to sleep on schedule but still struggling with energy levels. I started up my usual exercise routine and that feels great. School starts Monday. I’ve encouraged Alan to take it slow. Please don’t ask about jobs. It will happen, just can’t think about it now. This is what we saved and did without for three years for, a gift from our past selves to our present selves. (Thanks, guys.)

I am happy to be in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

Do I need to change the name of this blog?

Less than one week

2008-06-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

Thank you all who left comments on the last post of my financial questions. I don't feel that I can put together something coherent now, so here are some jumbled thoughts with the move less than a week away. (Probably my last post as a Seattle resident.)

I've been saying goodbyes for about a month now; it's starting to get really emotional. I don't think I've ever had so many scheduled lunches with people. The really big goodbyes are coming up. There are also a couple of folks that just won't connect; it's weird that they just won't say whatever, they just avoid. I guess it's all part of the goodbye experience.

My department at work had the "official" goodbye lunch for me on Monday. My two closest coworkers are taking me to lunch tomorrow. Alan's been with his company for not quite 10 years, but because of the (not wanted) shuffle, he's been in his current department for less than a year and the folks he's known are scattered. I don't think anyone's doing anything for him tomorrow. (Tomorrow is the last day at work for both of us.) That makes me sad. (I did just find out that his former coworkers put together a card and gave it to him this morning.)

Stuff! Drowning in stuff! I feel like such a spoiled first-world consumer. I mean, I think we don't have much by typical U.S. standards, but still -- everywhere I look -- stuff! We've sold, donated, recycled, and gifted boxes and boxes of stuff and some larger items that just won't fit in our new place. But I wake up in the mornings and want to scream, "make it all go away!" On a day-to-day basis, I think I only use about 10% of it.

Alan and I are both starting to get that "deer in the headlights" look and feeling. We're both retreating to our stress behaviors. Unfortunately, it's hard to accomplish anything under those conditions. So I've asked a new friend, who is a friend of a more established friend, to come by on Monday and give us some dispassionate direction. She teaches during the academic year, but is off now for the summer and she offered help the last time I saw her. We need someone who's not emotionally involved in the move to push us to focus on what needs to get done.

The cats had their last vet appointment (annual check-up a bit early and usual shots) in Seattle and we have what we need to cross the border. [The very first stop we made after arriving at the airport in Seattle years ago was at the (same) vet to have them checked out and boarded while we looked for a place to live.] They're in good shape, thank goodness. (I'm so afraid of the jinx!) They know something's up because the apartment is upside-down. Many of their favorite hangouts are missing. We've spent an embarrassing amount of time figuring out how we will make the new place "work" for them. They drive us crazy, but we do want them to be happy. We are planning on a ritzy deluxe new cat tree. (Shhh! It's a surprise.)

I'm still a dither about credit cards and such. I think it will all work out, but I have this fear that we'll get "cut off." (It's not that we need credit, just the method of payment is useful and often necessary.)

We're having trouble getting DSL installed in our new apartment. The company says they've been waiting (for a month now) for a "port" to open up. (If anyone understands this, please feel free to educate the less technical among us.) I'm not sure what to do. We do so much personal business over the internet. I could more easily go without a home phone than without internet.

Drinking! Margaritas with my closest guy friend in Seattle after work tomorrow. We started this once-a-month happy hour tradition a while back and this will be the last in the series, but hopefully not the last forever. Saturday will be more drinking with another it will be hard to say goodbye to. I probably should not be doing this. I also think that I would be pulling my hair out Monday-Wednesday next week anyway, so why not relax a bit first (albeit under the influence, which I'm sorry to say is needed at this point). [btw, haven't been on meds for months now, if you were wondering -- that's a good thing]

Looks like we'll be the last of the 7 couples/families to settle. I'm glad y'all have made it there safe and sound. Now, I just have to believe that it will be us, too ... (and you're probably rolling your eyes because I think we have the shortest distance to go). Thanks, folks -- really and truly -- for your support and friendship. Can we meet up for margaritas sometime?

Questions about finances for other U.S. to Canada folks

2008-06-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

OK, we're at that details stage and I have questions. If you don't feel comfortable answering in the comments, please e-mail me.

I know that some of you kept U.S. credit cards. Do you use a mailing address in the U.S. or Canada? If you use an address in the U.S., how do you deal with the phone number issue (because Capital One, for example, calls periodically from their fraud department to check to see that charges are legitimate)? I've heard (I think it was from Nick) that Amex will give you a Canadian account if you have a U.S. account in good standing; do I just call them up and ask for it? Are there other cards that will do this?

Did you keep bank accounts open in the U.S.? How do you transfer money back and forth?

We're thinking we'll just leave our retirement (401k) accounts alone, giving them the new contact info, of course.

What good/bad experiences have you had in transferring and coordinating finances between the U.S. and Canada?

Any suggestions, comments, words of experience and wisdom (with details) are welcome.

Thanks!

Signed

2008-05-21T08:43:00.001-07:00

On Thursday (May 15), after almost missing the train (!) to Vancouver in the morning, [oh, and yes, FOB = Fresh Off the Boat, which is an expression, and FOT = Fresh Off the Train, which I made up for Alan and me], MISSION ACCOMPLISHED (and for real, not like that lying S.O.S.): We signed a lease on an apartment!

It's in the building where I had contacted management over the phone and she said that they would have no problem getting our U.S. credit report. Here's the funny thing: I came "armed" with copies of our U.S. credit reports, printed information on contacting our current apartment management, printed information on verifying our current employment, bank statements, personal references ... you get the idea ... and she barely looked at any of it. I think that because I had everything so prepared and was eager to share it, she had a good impression. And rather than our coming from outside counting against us, I think it helped. She seemed to know that we couldn't have been accepted as P.R.s unless we were financially prepared and ready to get employment. And I think that our being from the States impressed her, which I felt a little guilty about.

The down-sides: signed for June 1 so paying rent on two places for the same month, smaller apartment, no washer/dryer in unit, rent 20% more, high-rise building

The up-sides: cats can come with! management is way cool! corner apartment = more light and cross-breeze! and .... location, location, location!

When we had scouted around in the past to see where we might want to live, we picked a neighborhood. We even centered on an intersection that we would measure distance from in looking at prospective places. OUR NEW BUILDING IS STEPS AWAY FROM THAT INTERSECTION.

If you live the carless lifestyle, you understand that blocks matter. I can and do walk miles every day; I like it and it helps keep my weight (and psyche) under control. But schlepping groceries and pet supplies is another story; each block adds a point to the misery index when repeated day in and day out. We will be living next to a supermarket, London Drugs, and pet supply store. Our post office and bank branch are only a few blocks away. In terms of recreation, we're just blocks away from water/beach, Stanley Park, and tons of shops, bars and eateries.

The West End is a diverse (lots of young people, lots of old people, lots of Asians, South Asians, gays) neighborhood on the downtown peninsula. It's full of life and we're very excited to be living there.

And, of course, we'll be neighbours (I'm getting used to the "U"s; give me time) of "West End Bob" and "drf."

We're going with a local Vancouver mover who is willing to haul out to Seattle and back (same-day move). It won't be cheap, but it is in the range we expected. We're looking at June 20 as the last day at our jobs in Seattle and June 25 as moving day.

Can you believe this?

Tangible

2008-05-13T08:34:00.001-07:00

I feel a little childish being so excited about this: We have our Permanent Resident cards in hand! They actually arrived in Vancouver two or three weeks ago, but last night we could touch and stare at them (which I have done a lot). I know that in the official process, this isn't really a milestone, but emotionally it really feels like one. It's hard evidence that we've achieved what we've been working on for almost three years.

The cards are amazing technologically; I've never seen so many and so high-tech features. There are engravings, holograms, micro-writing, overlapping text/design, redundancies and a mag strip that seems very different from the ones on our credit cards. The photo (oddly, in black and white ??) is copied on the back of the card twice -- once on the mag strip itself. The name and date of birth appear in multiple locations. Many items can only be seen when held at a certain angle. There's so much going on, like images of the flags of all 13 provinces/territories are on the mag strip! Anyway, the cards are way cool. Woo hoo!

We're running up to Vancouver for the day on Thursday to look at apartments and maybe even sign a lease. One building in particular is in a perfect location and it will allow our cats. It will be a whirlwind tour as we're both still working and just taking the day off. We'll spend more time on the train than in the city. If we make progress in finding housing, it will be well worth it.

I was very anxious about who would rent to us, given that we have no history in Canada. After speaking with the management of one of the buildings, I was relieved. She is able to run a U.S. credit check and our being F.O.B. (or F.O.T. in our case) didn't seem to phase her at all. I had gotten it into my head that somehow we'd really have to fight and plead; it seems more like they want to rent to good tenants than they're looking to reject people capriciously.

Still, we're going in prepared: copies of our U.S. credit reports, bank statements, information on how to verify our current employment and reference from our rental management company of the past ten years in Seattle. (We even dug up a letter from our last landlord in New Orleans, but I think that's a bit much -- and we're not really sure how to reach him any more or even if he's still kicking.) While it's difficult juggling between two cities, I feel so much more confident and secure looking at rentals while we still have jobs and a place to live.

One of the units we're hoping to look at is available July 1; that would work great. Still, if it looks like the right thing to do, we will sign a lease starting June 1 and live with the overlap. I'm not thrilled at paying rent on two places for the same month, but knowing we have a fixed home in Vancouver is worth it. (Repeat to self ten times.)

A week ago Saturday, I mailed the application for the (post B.A.) college program that will get me my Canadian teaching credentials; it starts July 7.

I spent a day calling movers. There are four categories: local company Seattle or Vancouver (1 & 2) and national affiliate U.S. or Canada (3 & 4). Even though I tried to weed them out before calling, some movers didn't want the job. (They hate crossing the border. One didn't say they wouldn't do it, they just gave me a really high quote to make me go away.) Also, there are three different approaches: same-day, next-day, and consolidated (multi-household) it-will-take-weeks. Cost estimates vary wildly, from what we expected to twice what we expected and maybe we should just ditch everything and start over.

As of now, the local Vancouver company wins hands down. Their quote was reasonable (what we expected, although he thought it would give me a heart attack), same-day move, and willing to meet us at the border for customs (in fact, very pleased that we're willing). Plus, I really do prefer to work with a locally-based operation as opposed to national affiliate and with a company whose home is where we're going (not where we're from -- in case there are any problems, it seems like it would be better). Once we have a destination address, we can book a move date and give a deposit. I was worried at giving the movers less than three months' notice -- but he was thrilled at the prospect of getting three weeks. (I guess a lot of folks are last minute?)

I don't know if you can read between the lines, but there's a lot of, um, freaking out you're not seeing (reading). I really had built things up in my mind and I think this can be an "I told you so" moment for L-girl: I think part of it was reading negative stories on the immigration lists. Once I got started (breathe, breathe) making calls and such, I realized the (Canadian) world was not out to get me. This move can happen and maybe without the trials of Hercules. (I think I'm mixing my metaphors and mythology). So, I'm calmer. That's a relative term. I still have the occasional panic attack in the wee AM hours.

Right now, I can't believe how fortunate we are. Horrible, terrible things are going on in the world, some (most?) human-caused, some not -- and we're healthy, educated U.S. citizens moving to Canada. I feel spoiled. And I want to work, albeit in some very small way, to help makes things better. I've been thinking about where I'd like to put my energy in that regard once we're settled Vancouverites. That's another post.

Thanks for reading.

Landing, with details

2008-04-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

When we approached the booth at the Peace Arch border crossing, we explained that we were landing and our friend was accompanying us. After establishing that she was not being paid for her service ("she's just a generous friend with a car"), we were told to park the car and go into the building. The snow was in full winter-wonderland mode at this point -- on March 28 in a part of the world that doesn't get much snow any time of year. Welcome to Canada!

The only other "customer" was an irritated American who was upset that he had gone through this crossing many times before and had never received the further scrutiny he was today. The Canadian official was completely unimpressed and did not engage: "You're entering Canada and you're subject to questioning."

As you all know by now, landing is a very non-event. They looked at our landing papers and passports. They never asked about employment or settlement funds. They did not request photos (and I had them already done by London Drugs!). One person looked over our "goods to follow" list, but not in detail and there were no questions or comments. They stapled our household inventory spreadsheet to a form, kept a copy and gave us one.

They asked Alan and me, each in turn, the usual series of questions: Convicted of any crime? Ever denied entry to or asked to leave Canada? They asked us a few times to verify that we were, indeed, married. (I believe this had nothing to do with our being a same-sex couple, but rather issues of immigration fraud.) Sign here, sign there (don't touch the green box!), initial this, initial that.

The only glitch was that Alan's landing papers indicated that he needed to be under "medical surveillance" and there was no other documentation. We explained that we had thought that they would give us further direction (at the border) and they said, no, usually there was a specific form and an explanatory letter. We told them we did not receive anything other than what we gave them. Murmured consultation with colleagues. OK, let's fill out a generic medical surveillance form. You have to be seen within 30 days by one of these doctors on the Designated Medical Practitioners (DMP) list. But, they said, we were now landed and welcome to Canada.

We called the same doctor's office in Vancouver that we went to for our initial examinations in June of last year. I'll spare readers the back-and-forth of the following week. The bottom line is that we learned that we didn't have to see a DMP and that it would be a waste of time to do so. Alan needs to visit a provincial health clinic; the receptionist laughed when I said he needed to be seen within 30 days. "The CIC knows there is no way anyone can be seen in 30 days with our backlog. Don't worry about it." So we have an appointment in June and I'm going to see if we can push it to July. They really don't seem very concerned. ("Unless it's marked URGENT.")

When Alan is seen, he will have to do some more stuff and then come back in a few weeks for the results. At that time, the authorities will either clear him or ask him to come back in another year or something like that.

Now, gentle readers, you know that I do not like loose threads. But I am trying to let this one go. The clinic -- and, by the way, the woman was very nice, patient, and helpful -- was so un-concerned and no-big-deal. And we ARE landed.

After the border crossing, we did continue into Vancouver where we applied for our Social Insurance Numbers at a Service Canada office. The woman could not have been more pleasant. We left with our numbers and our cards would be mailed to the Canadian address we provided. (We now have them in hand; it only took a couple of weeks. Many thanks to Vancouver friend of "WEB" and "drf.")

Next, we rented a post office box as we use one here in Seattle and we thought it could be useful in Vancouver. (We did not use this address for the P.R. or SIN cards, though, because we didn't want them sitting in an unattended box.) An observation: It seems that post offices in Canada are usually attached to and run by private businesses (such as inside a drug store). I also need to get used to grams rather than ounces for weight and postal codes using letters. :-)

What took the longest was opening bank accounts. I don't know if this is standard in Canada, but we had to have appointments. We just showed up (as we would do in the U.S.); they didn't have a time slot available at that branch, but they arranged for us to meet with someone at another location. We were at that woman's desk for two hours, mostly because we don't have Canadian credit histories and they needed to remember how to check the U.S. system and translate the scores into Canadian. (I did ask -- very politely and out of curiosity -- why they needed a credit check when we were leaving our money with them and not borrowing. She said it was because we would be depositing and withdrawing funds from our accounts and there were situations that involved coverage and trust.)

Now that we've jumped through application hoops and landing hurdles, next up is the relocation dance ...

Landed

2008-03-29T00:36:00.000-07:00

We are now Permanent Residents/Landed Immigrants of Canada. It's after midnight; we just got back home in Seattle. We left at 6:00 AM. I'm very tired, so details will follow in the next few days.

So, in short for now: Heavy snow in late March, no lines at border, process no big deal, spent too much sweat/worry on inventory, have to return within 30 days for Alan's medical issue (hoop-jumping not over yet), Social Insurance Numbers in hand, p.o. box obtained, bank accounts opened, too many celebratory TimBits consumed, consumer price shock and fear, still planning to move in the Summer.

Audacity of Hope?

2008-02-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

First, apologies for the absence and cause for concern. Bottom line is that we’re still here, we’re OK, and we’re still planning on landing this month and moving in July. (Insert heart in throat here.)

Well, there’s a lot I want to share … and I get all caught up in what I want to say and find myself unable to say anything … So, this post is a start at least. It's not complete and not in very good order.

In 2007, I deliberately took some risks in my life because I decided that I wanted to get away from a usual pattern of avoidance and then depression because I’m not really doing what I want or being who I am because my focus is on avoiding anxiety. By the end of the year, it had built up, the Big Move was looming, the weird energy and pressure of the holidays were in the air, and the darkest season (least daylight) was just beginning. Boom.

In late November through January I found myself with near-debilitating anxiety. I’ve come to realize that I have an anxiety disorder. (Of course, I’ve known that I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety all my life.) I say “near-debilitating” because I still went to work and I wasn’t hospitalized. I was in a great deal of pain and found that it took nearly all the will I had to do what I must. What it felt like was surging electricity through my veins with occasional jolts of lightening. And symptoms that I have had before (trouble concentrating, obsessive thoughts, insomnia, tears, shaking) were all at the same time and more extreme.

Also, in mid-January, Alan’s grandmother died. Although she was very old, she was not ill and the news caught us by surprise. She was the last survivor of our 10 grandparents. There was a special bond with Alan, as she helped raise him for a few years after his first mother died. It was a loss for me, too, as we have visited her annually since Alan and I have been together. Although a very conservative Christian, she accepted me over the years as Alan’s spouse, always addressing letters to both of us and including me in other ways. (The inclusion did not extend to the funeral. Mourning a loss and being a gay man in one of the most conservative churches in Texas: I guess even someone without an anxiety disorder would find that challenging.)

Alan is still accepting the loss, having difficult moments when reality hits. To make things worse, we've just learned that his father has suffered two heart attacks in the past couple days and has serious arterial blockage. Amazingly, his dad is already back at home and doing well, although he has to go back for more stents later this month.

It’s not easy to write about the anxiety issue and I’ve thought about whether I should. First, yes, I did disclose anxiety and depression as issues for the immigration medical exams. So I want people to know that it’s not a barrier to being accepted.

At this point, it’s just categorized as “generalized anxiety disorder”, although I have some classic symptoms of PTSD and I’m almost embarrassed to say so because people associate that with huge horrible experiences like war and rape. For me, it was run-of-the-mill prolonged fear/terror at home and at school – mixed with DNA and learned thought patterns and behaviors from a truly unhealthy family. When I’m thinking of what to write about this, it’s hard to know what the line is between minimizing (denial) and exaggerating (drama).

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me and I don’t want to feel sorry for myself; I can’t change the past. What I want is to heal and be more fulfilled in my life and that can’t happen unless I acknowledge some things and know what’s going on.

Whether I like it or not, whether it’s fair or not, it does take active treatment to deal with this. I am in psychotherapy and trying a medication that is so far helpful, but has lots of unpleasant side-effects that are a challenge. I’m still not great with focus and have only in the past week really been able to pick up a book and read (for example). Anyway, though, in general, things are looking up.

I don’t expect to be “cured” by the time we start living in Vancouver, but I do hope to have made significant progress that the move will not just be to a new environment, but a fresh start.

Latest thoughts on our plans

2007-11-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

We're thinking that we'll "land" within the time frame of the last week of January to the first two weeks of February (2008). For the actual Big Move, we're looking at April or July, leaning a bit toward the latter. There's more going on here in Seattle for us than expected, so I'm grateful that there's some flexibility in when we actually move. We are anxious to get the landing over with so that clock is not ticking loudly (has to be done by June 7 for us I believe).

We're still trying to decide how we'll actually accomplish the move. We'd like to get "professional" movers to load the truck but then have a friend take it (and us) across the border. We could either unload the truck with paid help on the other end or do it ourselves. Then our friend would take the truck back to the U.S. Yes, I know there are day-laborers one can hire, but I want people that are experienced and know how to pack a moving truck correctly. I don't want to have to supervise the loading (in detail).

The above is a compromise between having it all done professionally, which troubles us because of the border-crossing issue and the stories we've heard about getting stuff out of customs, and doing it all ourselves in which we don't feel very secure. This compromise allows us to stay with our belongings as we cross the border. We still don't know if what we want is even possible; we need to do more research.

I sway in and out of being excited and being anxious. Right now, there's a lot of non-Canada stuff going on and it's kind of taking the wind out of the sails. But soon enough we'll be on our voyage to a new home along with our hopes and dreams.

We're All In

2007-11-04T00:11:00.001-07:00

Late, as usual, to the party ... but I still want to acknowledge with joy that the guys from "Moving to Vancouver" have been accepted for permanent residency. Mazel tov! You guys have been so patient and I'm sure it's been hard to wait and be "last."

This means that all the families in our larger family/community (please see blogs listed at right) are either in Canada or on our way.

Wow.

When I first started this process, L-girl was counting down the days to the move to Canada. (That is, she had already been accepted and was good to go.) Since then, I've followed the news as each one/two/three (plus canines and felines) of us has moved along. We've laughed, we've cried, we've thrown up our hands in frustration and in celebration.

It sounds a cliche, it sounds trite, but I couldn't have done it without you. And I hope you know it's true when I say that I've come to respect and appreciate you all.

I wonder when we all might be able to meet in person and toast to our renewed lives in Canada.

To any newbies that might find their way to reading this: I created this blog not only to keep a diary of our immigration process and keep our "family" informed, but to also possibly be of help to others who would follow us. If you have questions, please ask.

Timeline

2007-11-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

Our timeline (if I did this right, each item should link to the corresponding post):

Started application: late July/early August 2005

Application filed (Buffalo): February 10, 2006

Acknowledgement of Receipt (AOR): February 17, 2006

Transferred to local (Seattle): February 8, 2007

Initial Assessment (I.A.)/Document Request: April 13, 2007

(Interview Waived)

1st half of requested documents delivered: April 20, 2007

Medical exam: June 7, 2007 (in Vancouver)

Follow-up to medical exam: June, July, August 2007

2nd half of requested documents delivered: July 9, 2007

Passports requested: September 25, 2007

Visas received: October 4, 2007

We're planning to move to Vancouver in Spring 2008. We'll probably land before then, when we're able and have our household inventory ready.

Medical surveillance

2007-10-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

Found this on the CIC web site when I was browsing around:

During the medical exam you underwent before becoming a Canadian resident, you may have been told that you needed a follow-up medical exam once you got to Canada. This is known as medical surveillance for those who have an inactive infectious disease. You must report, by telephone, to the public health authority of the province or territory where you live within 30 days of entering Canada. You will find this number in the blue pages of your telephone book. This is very important for your health, and for the health of your fellow Canadians.

"Typhoid Alan"?

Visas ... Priceless

2007-10-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

OK, I know that's MasterCard ...

We received our passports with the permanent resident visas attached on Thursday (4 October 2007). For the newbies out there (present and future), I will give a detailed description and quote completely everything in the envelope in an amendment to this post.

Here's why it took a bit to announce this news: I was, um ... "recovering" from one aspect of the paperwork. I'm feeling better now, especially after receiving wise words and advice from the "Grand Dame" (sp?) of our U.S. to Canada blogging community, L-girl.

On the "Confirmation of Permanent Residence" form (which, by the way, has the old-fashioned computer printer paper feed holes on the sides and -- get this -- actual carbon paper) for Alan, under item 43: Conditions, it says "Must report for medical examination, surveillance or treatment." It's not very prominent, not highlighted or anything. And it's not referenced in anything else the CIC enclosed.

So what the *&%$#@! does it mean?

I wrote to L-girl and this was her reply with her aforementioned words of wisdom (permission to quote was given):

I hope I will not add to your worries when I tell you I haven't heard of a medical restriction on a visa before. However, many of the US-to-Canada emigrants who write me don't disclose a lot of details. It's very possible someone had it, but didn't tell me about it.

If it were me, I would not contact the consulate about it.

Here's what I would do. If there are any instructions or directions about this follow-up or monitoring, follow them. If there aren't, just go about your business, landing, moving, as if it weren't there. If they haven't told you "you must do this or that," then don't worry. Perhaps Immigration will tell you something when you land. Perhaps not.

The medical exams are such a bizarre area of the process in the first place. We all jump through all these hoops for the medicals, then we get our visas, we land, and it's like the whole thing never happened. There's no record of it with our provincial health care, for example.

The way I see it, you got your passports with the visas, you're ready to land. If more follow-up is needed in Canada, you'll do it. But until you know what that is, you can proceed as if the restriction isn't there. I think asking the consulate for more info is like being a squeaky wheel, possibly getting more scrutiny than you want.

Obviously if they've given you a procedure to follow, I'd follow that. Other than that, I would ignore it. If the follow-up or monitoring was that important, wouldn't they have told you how to go about it? As I said, perhaps they will mention it at landing, or perhaps not.

Your applications have been processed and accepted, and you've got your visas. That's all you need.

That's my take, for what it's worth.

It's worth A LOT. The support and help of our online "family" is priceless, too!

Passport Request

2007-10-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

We received the letter requesting our passports for visa issuance on Friday, September 28. (The envelope was postmarked in Seattle September 25; why it took three days to travel 1.5 miles is unknown.) I don't know if the timing of the request with my email to the consulate was a coincidence or if it prompted them to action; my guess is the former. I'll spare you the complete text of the letter, but I do like to give details in case a newbie should find this, The World's Most Boring Blog. (I think I should have that trademarked or copyrighted or something.)

We have 30 days to send the passports; we, of course, sent them the same day. The consulate enclosed a 6 x 9 Tyvek envelope with a sticker in the top left corner (where the return address normally goes) that had our file number and a bar code of the file number. I'm not going to send something so important without a return address, so I enclosed the passports in the envelope provided and put it in a larger envelope. I also enclosed a self-addressed postage-paid Priority Mail envelope for the return of the passports to us. They made it clear that they would not use any other carrier than USPS (within the U.S.); one can use First Class, Priority Mail, or Express Mail and appropriate postage needs to be prepaid. They also said that they don't "do" registered mail, return receipts, etc. -- but they are also not responsible for lost passports. :-)

We thought about delivering the passports in person, but they seemed to imply that that was only for those without a mailing address and we didn't want to risk "bothering" them. Besides, the place is a zoo with tons of people waiting, even if you arrive before the office opens.

We have until June 7, 2008 to land -- the official border crossing that gives one permanent resident status. The visas in the passports are what allow one to do this. The date is exactly one year from our initial immigration medical exams. (I specify "initial" because we had a lot of follow-up.) If we do not land within that time frame, we must start over again from the very very beginning. (Newbies, remember that "landing" does not have to mean moving at the same time although they do not mention this in the letter. You must, however, have your household inventory in hand.) We should be ready to show proof of settlement funds when we land. I understand from others, although it is not stated in CIC's letter, that we will need passport-like photos when we land.

Perhaps they will give us more information about landing when they return the passports. In any case, "family" members, please be ready for lots of questions from me, The Anxious Would-Be Canadian (TM).

The letter indicated that the approval was based on all the information they had received up to that point; if anything has changed, it should be reported to the CIC, especially -- they stressed -- any changes in the accompanying family (marriage, divorce, pregnancy, birth).

QUESTION FOR THE EXPERIENCED: Does the permanent residency "clock" -- where one must have actual residence in Canada two out of five years in order to maintain status -- start from visa issuance or from landing? I know it wouldn't be from the time of moving/relocation. We thought we would get the landing over with ASAP, but might re-think that if we thought that a delay in the start of the "clock" would be beneficial. Not that we plan on dragging our feet on this; we just want to have all the information before making timing decisions.

Right now, we plan to move within April - December of 2008. Obviously we need to narrow that down at some point. One idea we're floating is for me to move up first to attend the community college program I'm interested in, staying at the Y, and using evenings and weekends to look for a place to live. Then Alan, the cats, and our worldly possessions could come up about a month later. We want to research the housing (apartment rental) market, the job market, and the availability of my educational program. We also have to consider our current situation in deciding when it would be best to exit/enter. A lot to think about.

I'm still in shock. Still nauseous when I think about it. I know this is a good thing, but it is also momentous and overwhelming.

OMG

2007-09-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I sent the following e-mail to the Canadian consulate in Seattle:

Greetings:

This message is in reference to our application for permanent residency. Our file number is: XXXXXXXXX.

We are writing to verify that we are in compliance with all that was requested of us in the letter dated 13 April 2007 and in the follow-up to our medical examinations; we believe we are. We want to be sure that there is nothing we should be doing at this time (other than patiently waiting).

Thank you for your time and attention.

This was the response I received today:

I sent you the final letter requesting your passport(s) for visa issuance yesterday to the following address: XXXXXXXXXXX (thanks for your patience)

Regards
Immigration Section

My hands are shaking. I think I'm going to throw up ...

In My Own Private Idaho

2007-09-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

So ... I couldn't believe that I had missed Tom & Emilio's big news; I hadn't realized that I had been so remiss in my "Canada reading" as I call it. I am so very very happy. As I commented to them directly, I am humbled by the binational couples. For Alan and me, this is a choice. For them, it is survival. As nervous as we are and have been throughout this process, I can't really know what it would be like to be fighting to be together. I was in tears (of frustration and then relief) reading Gito and Juan's story. Now, we have another joyful conclusion (and a new hope-full beginning) for the other binational couple in our little "family."

It comes down to the Vancouver guys and Alan & me. I've commented on their blog that I find myself in a weird place emotionally. Although I'm a Meyers-Briggs "J" that craves closure, I'm going to be a mess when we do get a decision. I don't know how to explain it, but as bad as the waiting is, it's become an old friend. When we get the final "yay" or "nay" we will be forced to move on. It's the difference between being engaged and being married. I've got pre-wedding jitters ...

In U.S. and world news, I'm like a deer in the headlights. I just don't move or do anything; I'm overwhelmed. Alan and I give money, but we haven't put ourselves out there. I'm not proud of that. I keep telling myself that I'll become more involved if/when we get to Canada where I can be part of a political party that I won't have to hold my nose to "vote" for (yes, I know I won't be able to vote) and the general atmosphere is more one of community engagement. But am I excusing and fooling myself? Will I then have settling in as a distraction? Are my priorities only selfish in wanting a better life for Alan and me, but not really committed to helping improve (in any small way) the larger community?

I read L-girl's blog and in the face of real issues, I take brave stands on precious dogs and cute baseball players. It's not that I don't care. But isn't it what one DOES that really shows what's important to a person? Why do I get locked into my own little dramas with accompanying anxiety which then take my energy from acting in the "outside" world?

Those are the questions I ask myself. And I'm not that happy with what I see.

med news & responses to comments

2007-08-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

I appreciate the responses to the last post. I am convinced that landing and then moving at a later date is not a problem.

"L-girl" wrote:

I know this may seem crazy to you and others, but I avoided the message boards and yahoo groups when we were in process. They were so full of worry, anxiety and misinformation, I found them more potentially hurtful than helpful.

I do see where you're coming from. I think that what happens sometimes when people on these lists give an account of an event they leave out information. That I see all the time. So, I'm willing to believe that this person had problems but 1) as "mseh" says, it's the odd exception and 2) there may be something that this person is not including in her report.

Other than having to be careful of people's accounts on those lists, I do find a lot of helpful information that can easily be verified through other sources. I have a whole file that includes helpful moving hints, financial-tax-banking info, etc. I don't want to stop reading them all together, but I think you're right that I shouldn't take people's stories as gospel.

"west end bound" questions/comments:

It is surprising to me that there are "issues" that need so much follow-up when it seems to be the case that no one is denied PR status due to health reasons. So why the gyrations? Also, I'm confused when you say no further word from the DMP or CIC - Who is requesting the follow-ups??

For "issue #1": the examining physician in Vancouver (the Designated Medical Practitioner, DMP) requested the follow-up lab tests after irregular results that Alan had -- and we could do those in Seattle. Those, too, were irregular -- and more so. So then there was lots of follow-up with more and different kinds of tests (poor Alan has been poked and prodded a lot and not in the good way); we're honestly not sure if that "second round" of tests were required by the DMP or not. At that point, it was to find a reason for the irregularities that were found in both Vancouver and Seattle.

We heard from the specialist a couple of weeks ago and he said that as far as he was concerned the matter was closed. They've done every test they can think of and they can find no cause; he would only be concerned if some symptom presented itself (e.g. pain). He said he would send his report to our primary physician (PCP) in Seattle. Our PCP will report back to the DMP. I'm not sure if the DMP has been reporting all this to Ottawa or not, but if he did to begin with, he would most certainly have to follow up.

For "issue # 2": This came to us in a letter from the DMP who enclosed a letter from Ottawa. (Yes, odd that it was not the dreaded "brown envelope" sent directly to us. I don't know if that's because we had the exams in Canada.) Our PCP was asked to submit his opinion to the DMP who would then forward it to Ottawa. After doing his best, the PCP wrote a letter to the DMP agreeing with Ottawa that basically he could find nothing "wrong," but perhaps worthy of keeping an eye on in the future.

Ottawa made it pretty clear in their letter that issue #2 would not stop us from immigrating. I'm not sure, but it seems like they were actually writing in concern for Alan's current and future health. And to dot their "i"s and cross their "t"s.

I tried calling the DMP today to ask if he and Ottawa were satisfied that they now have everything from us. The office is closed and I will try again next week. Right now I feel like we're in a black hole of communication. Should I try contacting the consulate in Seattle (where our file resides) to ask them if they have everything? (They should.)

Of course, the most important thing is that Alan is OK and that although we can't find answers, nothing serious -- or even minor -- has been found. And we have lab results that we can use for comparison in the future if there ever be a need.

Thanks, folks, for hanging in there. I'll certainly post if we hear anything else.

I believe it's a three-day weekend in the U.S. and Canada. Have a great one!

Quickie

2007-08-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

Alan's situation with the follow-ups to the medical exam is still in limbo. He's undergone a bunch of stuff and they've found nothing (yay!) and they still can't find a reason for the irregular results of one of the lab tests. For the other issue, they want to look at Alan's records from a few years ago for comparison, but we had a stupid *sshole doctor at the time and they're having a hard time tracking him down. This is getting as wearisome as it is expensive.

There have been no further communications from the DMP or CIC.

Over on the Canadian immigration yahoo groups (see right column of blog), there has been talk of people getting a hard time when they land without the intent of moving at the same time. It was reported that one border official said a bunch of things, including that you couldn't give an address for receiving the P.R. card where you were not residing (e.g. a friend) and that it was "illegal" for someone to send (forward) the card outside Canada. As I've written, the one thing that keeps me from getting too anxious of the next step should we be accepted is that we don't have to move when we land. Now I'm freaking. Anyone have any information or thoughts?

All is not well in our future (we hope) home

2007-08-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

You've probably already heard about this.

There have been a few horrible shootings in the past couple of years in Seattle. We moved from New Orleans where shootings were commonplace; the city averaged a murder a day. (The last straw for me was when a restaurant we frequented was robbed and all were shot and left for dead.) Call me silly, but I think there should be more restrictions on guns than there are on the manufacture of toothpaste. (And I don't believe the U.S. 2nd Amendment gives rights to individuals. "A WELL REGULATED militia ...") It's sad to see signs of the gun disease spreading North ...

One area where Seattle is ahead of Vancouver: the citizens here rejected hosting the Olympics. It sounds great as promoted by the Chamber of Commerce; the realities are often not pretty. I do hope that Vancouver fulfills the promises made and makes us proud in facing important social challenges.

Two Year Mark

2007-08-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been two years since Alan and I started on this journey. Starting in late July / early August 2005, it took more than six months to gather our materials for the application that we submitted in February 2006.

The passage of time is strange. I'll say it again, whether it makes sense or not: The past two years feel slow and fast at the same time. And I know that while things are dragging out right now, if/when they give us the green light, the process will move at a hectic pace. I'm not looking forward to that pressure, but it will be nice to have resolution (a yay or nay). Knowing that we don't have to move when we land makes a big difference. We have time to get our lives together.

Speaking of lives together ... with bad timing, I'm having a mid-life crisis (early or late, depending on your definition of mid-life), complete with anxiety attacks. I'm not fond of being so ordinary, but the experience is true. I don't want to move with this messiness. If I were to relocate to Vancouver now, I'd be distracted with all that comes with survival and exploration of a new home. That will wear off, however, and I'll still be me and have the same unresolved issues.

For the past year or so, I've been saying to myself (and sometimes to others) that I'll do this or that once I get to Vancouver. I've decided to start some things now. Canada will not be a panacea. I need to remember that.

Besides the little soap opera (telenovelita?) of my life, there's not much to report. Poor Alan has a dental appointment and two medical appointments (issue one and issue two) on the same day next week. It's not fun and it's expensive. I'm not really complaining; these are just the mosquitos of life.

We're healthy. We're wealthy (by world standards). I've lived long enough to have a mid-life crisis. We have health care. The future ahead has many possibilities. Not too shabby.

Forgive me if I've said this in a previous post: I'm always reminded of a phrase from the Passover Seder, where we say "next year in Jerusalem." It's an expression of hope and promise, of longing to be home with one's "family." To our community of U.S. to Canada immigrants: Next year in Canada! You're in our thoughts and we appreciate your hanging in there with us.

Personal Updates

2007-07-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

I would call this "Pupdates" but that's been copyrighted by a famous blogger of our acquaintance. :-)

Looking back at some past posts, I realized that I made reference to events and topics that I have never followed up on.

First, a medical condition alluded to here turned out to just be "one of those things." That is, there was no conclusive reason for what happened but they were able to rule out all known possibilities, especially all the bad stuff. So that's good news.

Next, there was my work situation mentioned in these posts. Having reported that I did not get job #1, I never did say that I was offered and I accepted job #2. What's more is that they gave me more money than job #1 and an even more flexible schedule. Plus it's less stressful. So I was quite disappointed when I was passed up for job #1, but things worked out pretty well after all. Regular (decent) paychecks for 6-9 months. Not bad at all.

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this in the blog, but it was our intent to go up to Vancouver for Pride the first weekend of August. Alas, we've been hit hard by medical bills between my escapades and all the follow up to Alan's lab results. Although we do have insurance, we've hit the dreaded "donut hole" where we're paying a lot out-of-pocket. So, no Vancouver Pride this year. :-(

In Washington State (where Alan and I live) there's been a Domestic Partner bill passed which grants some rights to same-sex and certain "senior" couples. Yeah, I guess this is progress. I mean, all of the Democrats running for their party's nomination all agreed that same-sex couples should have the same rights as other married couples; it's "just a matter" of what to call it. Of course, it's much more complicated than that but they'll never answer the pointed questions I have for them. Anyway, we're supposed to be all a twitter and we're not. We'll probably register, although we do need to learn more. But we're certainly not going to celebrate it as an occasion.

Alan did visit the specialist on Friday; he needs to have another test done to do more ruling out. Much like the earlier situation with me, the doctor said that we may never find a reason but it's important to rule out all that we can. And I agree; I would never forgive myself if there's something we could have done something about but never looked into it enough. But it ain't cheap. (So my having a paying gig now is good timing.)

That's the news that's fit to bore you with for now.

In the Mail

2007-07-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Two days ago we received a letter from the DMP (Designated Medical Practitioner) in Vancouver. He received a letter from the medical folks in Ottawa (which the DMP enclosed); they want more information about yet another irregularity in Alan's exam results. (That is, it's different from the one discussed earlier. There is no mention of the first issue in this new letter; we don't know if that means that they are satisfied with what we have sent them.)

What's strange is that the letter from Ottawa is very short and we're not quite sure what it is they're asking for. Also, weirdly, they say that whatever the results it should not interfere with the process and that their recommendation is that immigration should proceed. But we need to get back to the DMP (who will then forward to Ottawa) with a letter of response from our family doctor here in Seattle. So, it's do this but it won't matter?

Alan has an appointment with a specialist this Friday regarding irregular lab result #1; this we're doing for ourselves and we're still not sure if Ottawa will ask any more about it. On August 9, Alan has an appointment with our G.P. (the earliest available) to ask for a response to the letter we just received. He feels guilty because "his issues" are holding us up, which I told him was ridiculous because it's not like he's doing anything and I've had my issues (not medical) that have held things up. (e.g., look at how long it took to get my police clearance from Costa Rica ...) It's nobody's fault, it is what it is.

Other than just wanting resolution (I'm a total "J" in the Meyers-Briggs personality inventory), we're not in any particular hurry. Our plan is if/when we get the green light we'll do the formal landing as soon as possible and delay our actual move for when it makes sense logistically. I've started the household inventory but I need to get back to it!

I also know that I have no cause for complaint given what many others -- especially those not from the United States -- have to go through to immigrate to Canada. And the process to become a P.R. in the U.S. is much worse!

By the way, I know I'm not commenting much on the blogs of our "family," but I am reading.

Where Things Stand

2007-07-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

Greetings:

Today is three-months since the receipt of the initial assessment (I.A.) and request for further documents from the CIC. The deadline.

On Monday (July 9), I made what I hope will be our final submission to the Seattle consulate. This follows the first response delivered on April 20, when we gave the CIC four out of the seven requested items. Of the three remaining: You know we received the FBI clearances. And that we've had the medical exams. While we're still following up on Alan's irregular results on one of the lab tests, we've submitted what the doctor in Vancouver asked for. We don't know if Ottawa will want more; this may be a hold up. (What we're doing now is for own purposes. They've ruled out all the scary stuff, by the way, but we'd like a "why" and not just "why nots.")

About three weeks ago, we received a response from the IRS. What a mess. A mass of paper with an industrial staple. There were duplicates of things (the cover letter, one of the tax returns), empty pages, pages with non-sensical codes on them. Buried were certified copies of three of the four years asked for. But the forms W-2 were re-creations, not copies so they didn't have employers' information on them; it was just the gross income and the taxes withheld. Since I imagine that one of the reasons the consulate specifically requested the W-2s is to verify employment, I don't think they will be satisfied.

For the fourth return (the one furthest back), the IRS said they were not able to find it, to give them more time, and that they would send a refund if they decided to give up. A week ago, I received a refund check. I copied the refund check and included a copy of my request form to the IRS with proof it was mailed. With the IRS cover letter (both copies!) I'm hoping the CIC will see that I've done what I can.

I submitted copies from my records of the tax returns for all four years, along with all of the W-2s. I affirmed in my letter to the CIC that these were accurate copies of what I submitted to the IRS. They can see that the numbers match for the three years provided by the IRS; it would be reasonable to trust my copy of the fourth year. However, reason and bureaucracy do not always go together. We shall see. But I can't imagine what more I can do.

I'm tired of the immigration hoops; I'm running out of steam. This is typical for me in the home stretch of any drawn-out process. I know it doesn't make sense.

I've tried to catch up on all my "Canada reading" -- the yahoo group lists and the blogs. Everyone seems well. Excellent. Onward ...

Daniel & Alan's Medical Exam Adventure

2007-06-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went up to Vancouver for our required medical exams. Travel time was about two and a half hours; there were no delays at the border. We were able to have lunch before our appointment.

The following is a very boring account. I'm writing it because if there are any newbies out there (present or future), they may want to know what to expect from the medicals.

After paying our fee in cash, exact change, we filled out a questionnaire -- about twenty yes/no questions about health and health history. If we answered yes to any one of them, we were to give more details in the space provided. Most of the questions were about the patient's condition and history, although their were allusions to family history (usually something like have you had X with a family history of X or Y). The questions were about conditions you are being treated for or have been treated for. Any hospitalizations? Taking any meds? They cover pretty much every category, every body system. Some of them required thought: does this count? (Most of the time no.) One of the questions I left unanswered because both we and the assistant were unsure.

Alan and I both answered affirmatively to a handful of the questions; I wouldn't worry about this -- you need to be honest. At the same time, I would say that this questionnaire is not the time to speculate or question that stiffness in your knees (for example). Just tell them what they ask for. Think about things that you've actually been treated for; don't let your imagination run wild.

A mildly amusing story: I was asking about whether something "counted" for one of the questions. The assistant asked, "was it biopsied?" and I replied that in the States everything is biopsied so that insurance will pay for it and not classify it as cosmetic. She looked horrified. "Welcome to the U.S. insurance game." (This was the unanswered question mentioned earlier; the doctor later said it didn't count; in Canada, it would not have been biopsied.)

They gave us containers for urine samples and sent us to the men's room. Be prepared.

We were then led to the exam room, where we switched our cotton clothes for paper. (What was wonderful was that when the room door was opened, there was a clear line of sight to the waiting area; great design! I love to model the latest in paperwear.)

A nurse took our heights and weights (in cm and kg).

When we met the doctor, he asked follow-up questions to anything we had said yes to and he made notes. He asked about smoking and drinking. The "hands on" part of the exam was so short that if you blinked, you missed it. He listened with a stethoscope three times on the chest, three times on the back. He palpitated the abdomen a few times. THAT WAS IT.

We then travelled to the TB clinic to have x-rays taken; just one picture each.

Completing the circle around the block, we had blood drawn at the lab (two tubes each). I don't know exactly what they test for and neither did the phlebotomist. HIV I'm pretty sure, but I don't know what else. (If anyone knows, please comment.)

At each of these stops we needed to pay in cash. Since this was Canada, it was amazingly cheap.

We did not have to return to the original doctor's office. They will collect all of the results and then express mail them to Ottawa.

That's it folks. It was quick and simple.

Because no part of this process can be hitch-less for us (whine), Alan had a questionable result to one of the lab tests, so we need to do some follow-up, but we're allowed to do it in Seattle at any qualified lab/clinic (doesn't have to be on the CIC list).

Snail's Pace

2007-06-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, the FBI clearances arrived finally. What's strange is that the stamp on the fingerprint cards with the "no criminal record" was dated April 13. So they took more than a month to mail the damn things; I don't understand, especially since I included a self-addressed stamped envelope (which they didn't use). Folks, learn from my mistakes and the experience of others: Write a deadline about two weeks out on the outside of the envelope you mail to the FBI and include it in your cover letter. Apparently, it really works. If you don't, you can count on waiting 3 - 4 months.

Still no word from the IRS, although the request was mailed on April 20. In our little family of U.S. to Canada immigrants, we seem to be the only ones who have been asked for certified tax returns.

Our medical exams are scheduled for June 7 in Vancouver. A friend is driving us there and back on the same day. (Of course, that's the day chosen for interviews for a job I really need and want. Still waiting to hear from them to see if they will accommodate me with a different date. At this point, it's too much to reschedule the exams.) We're hoping we won't be asked for any follow-up.

The requesting letter from the CIC gave us three months to comply, which would get us to about July 13. As the days go by, I'm getting more impatient.

Meanwhile, life is interesting in other aspects, but not in ways I feel comfortable discussing.

Best wishes to all!

The rich get richer ...

2007-05-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

In this article about the extraordinary rise in executive pay, there was this:

From 1985 to 2005, the incomes of taxpayers in the top 10th of earnings rose about 54 percent after inflation, to an average of $207,200, according to Thomas Piketty of the Paris School of Economics and Emmanuel Saez of the University of California, Berkeley. But among the top 1 percent of taxpayers it increased 128 percent, to $812,500. And among the top 0.01 percent it nearly quadrupled, to $14 million on average.

Note that the two-decade period includes Bill Clinton's years of unprecedented "prosperity." Policies do affect people. The U.S. has become a nation of haves and have-nots (ushered in by Reagan) and the Rs have done a great job of distracting many to vote against their own interests by raising "morality" issues, usually centered around sex and reproduction. But never economics; poverty, to them, is only a moral issue in that they think that those who are struggling have failed and deserve their lot in life.

Not that it matters, but for those who like to point out hypocrisy: The Jesus of the New Testament had much much more to say about economic justice and the treatment of the poor than he did about sex.

Not much to report

2007-05-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

There's a lot going on in my personal life, but nothing I feel comfortable writing about in "public."

Paid work has not been very forthcoming and I didn't get the assignment I had thought and hoped I would. There's my second choice, but they're dragging their feet with the process. I'm pretty frustrated.

As for the immigration process, we're no further along than the last time I posted. We'll have our medical exams in Vancouver in early June. It is a lot cheaper to do it there. A friend will drive us there and back on the same day. Even paying for gas, it's still a lot less money. One thing I need to remember is that the doc literally wants cash (Canadian) for payment; so I need to figure the best way to do that.

We're still waiting for the FBI; I sent the requests in a full three months ago. And no word from the IRS; that's been a month.

I'm not sure, but I think we have been the first ones to have the CIC request certified (or any) tax returns. Lucky us! But at least we heard from them and what they asked for is do-able.

Well, that's my boring post for May. I'll let y'all know anything as soon as we do.

We keep up with all the blogs in our "family" and appreciate the updates from everyone. Wherever you are in the process, you're in our thoughts.

Best wishes, for those in the U.S., for a safe and restorative three-day weekend!

Next Steps -- News from the Consulate

2007-04-20T22:36:00.000-07:00

Dated 13 April 2007, we received our "next steps" letter/packet from the Canadian Consulate here in Seattle.

This is what they asked for:

US$415 for Right of Permanent Residence Fee x2 (for self & spouse) -- submitted today
Updated Schedules 1 for self and spouse (background declaration, the one that lists your birth/family info, addresses, jobs/activities, organizations, etc.) This is not as bad as it sounds because they were already done for the initial application; there were just a couple of changes and we printed them out again. -- submitted today
Updated letter from current employer for me. (at least, they didn't say for spouse) -- submitted today (This time I was smart and gave the person all the text of the letter and only asked him to put it on letterhead and sign/date it; he was thrilled and impressed that I had done all the work.)
Updated proof of settlement funds (current bank statements) -- submitted today
New FBI clearances for self and spouse (no mention of states at all, including Louisiana which we never submitted because the government there is a mess) because the ones we submitted "expired" after a year. -- I sent away for these two months ago in anticipation of CIC's request and we're still waiting. There was a hasty note added to the materials saying that they (the CIC) understand that the FBI is taking very long these days and to submit everything else and the FBI clearances when they eventually arrive.
Certified copies from the IRS of my tax returns for four particular years that seemed random at first and then I realized that it made sense that these were the four years for which they were giving me the "experience points" in our application. Use IRS Form 4506 (NOT 4506T because you need a certified copy, not a transcript) and there's a tiny box on item six that you check for certified copies. Cost is $39 for each year, so that was another $156 to a government agency. -- I sent the request today via certified mail.
Medical exams -- they included a comprehensive list of DMPs (designated medical practitioners) in our area very broadly defined, instructions of what to do and what to bring, and forms with our photos attached to bring to the doctor. Seeing it for myself, I now understand that it really isn't a big deal (in terms of worrying that we'll be excluded for some health issue). There are two docs in Seattle and I was quoted US$380 and US$430. I called a doc in Vancouver (referred by West End Bound) and he's only charging CDN$154! We're thinking that we'll do this up North, but there are some snags to think about. One is that we're still waiting for Alan's new passport to arrive; we sent his old one in to be renewed two months ago. But the check for the passport fee just cleared the bank, so maybe that means progress. Also, the Vancouver doc is not available until the third week of May (at the earliest). And we'd have to take more time off from work than if we have the exams locally.

The CIC says that we have 90 days to respond. I take that to mean that everything has to be submitted in that time frame.

Wow. Is this really happening?

[P.S. I apologize that this post is late; it's been a crazy week and my priorities were recuperation and getting the stuff together for the CIC.]

Checking In

2007-04-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,

I know it's been a while since I've posted -- looking at the date of the last post, it's been two months. The reason for this is a combination of not much going on and too much going on that I don't necessarily feel comfortable writing about in a blog. (And, yes, the theme song to "Corner Gas" is running through my mind.)

This will just sort of be a random collection of sometimes vague thoughts. (I think that might just be my life's legacy.)

First, I was very happy to meet MSEH from Two Moms to Canada during her Seattle stop of her West Coast tour. I know it's been said before, but I've really come to feel like our little group of bloggers (check links on the right side of this page) has become a little family of sorts. I share in the joy of your good news and in the disappointment of your bad news. Plus, all you folks just really seem like good, cool people. I appreciate this virtual community. I hope to meet you all in person some day.

Well, I guess I should continue with what's on my mind most at the moment, which is that I'm sick. I left work early on Friday not feeling well, thinking maybe I ate something that didn't agree with me. Alan and I spent several hours in the E.R. later. The good news is that it's not my appendix, nor any major organ. Also, good news is that it's not serious as long as I take the treatment seriously and follow up; I should be right as rain (where does that phrase come from and why is someone my age using it?) in a week's time. (It could very likely get serious without medical care.) The bad news is that it's a pain (figuratively and literally, although nausea is more the problem now). Luckily, I have insurance through Alan's employer, so finances are not a big issue (although we still expect to see a large -- but not heart-stopping -- bill; welcome to health care in the U.S.).

(By the way, everyone at the hospital was great about Alan being with me the whole time. No one even looked funny at us. This is a great improvement over when I took Alan to the E.R. a few years ago. Of course, they checked the "other" box for our relationship on the forms, but that's not really their fault.)

Of course, I worry about how this episode will affect our hopes/plans to immigrate. I really don't think it's something that would keep us out of Canada. I'm just hoping that it won't require more tests and such to convince them. Although as medical procedures go, CAT scans are piece o' cake, the thought of having to do it again is not pleasant. And I'm afraid that's what they (the omnipotent government physicians in Ottawa) would make me do. I guess there's nothing to be done about that except to see what happens.

I'm just finishing a plum work assignment; Wednesday is when the woman I've been filling in for gets back from maternity leave. Up to Friday, my concerns were more about what's next. Now I'm wondering if I can make it to work these last days and when I'll be up to working again. It's just a stupid little down episode in life; I know that.

There's another medical issue that's just come up for me that I just really can't write about. Again, I don't think it's anything that would keep us out of Canada, but it may cause extra questions and tests.

Recently, I celebrated one of the "big" birthdays (you know, one of the ones that end in five or zero). I'm far too vain to say exactly which one. I've been a little obsessed with the approach of this one for a few months now. I know it's stupid and that I should be incredibly grateful to live in such health, wealth, and comfort -- and I am. I feel very fortunate to have a loving and supportive life partner. But I also can't help but look at what I haven't done and feel critical of myself.

Instead of wallowing, I tried to think forward at opportunities. I didn't want anyTHING for my birthday this year, no gadgets, entertainment, or trips. I wanted to think about what I really want in life. My biggest "present" to myself is getting my body in shape. The stars aligned and I've lost a bunch of weight (more than 10%) and started a little exercise routine in addition to the three to six miles I walk every day anyway. (Having surpassed my target weight before I got sick, it's now getting ridiculous.)

Oh, some good news: For the first time in years my cholesterol and triglycerides are in the target range! This is really quite the achievement and/or luck. I have to say, the fish oil pills really do work; I highly recommend them. Alan and I take the "extra strength" pills twice a day; I pay extra for the special coating because "fish burps" would just make me sick. I'm a vegetarian and I had to set aside my aesthetics (am I using that word correctly?) to take these pills. But, damn, they really did the trick.

I've been pushing myself to be more social, which is not the easiest thing for me. (Those of you who have met me might find this hard to believe considering my motormouth. Overcompensation.) What's funny is that I'm developing relationships in Seattle when maybe in a year (or less?) we might be relocating. My sister-in-law put this spin on it and it seems to make sense: One, it's easier for me to put myself out there BECAUSE I know I might be leaving soon and Two, this could be practice for when I am in a new city and wanting to make connections.

When we first started this odyssey, which is almost two years ago, my feelings were that our roots in Seattle were still pretty shallow, despite almost a decade of being here. (And I "blame" no one but ourselves.) It's not that we don't have any friends; we do. But I didn't see myself crying when I said goodbye, as I did when we left New Orleans. The thing is, now I can; I think I'm going to need a box of tissues if/when we move. And I see myself coming back to Seattle a lot on weekends and (truly) inviting people North to see us. (Question: If we have P.R. status, will going back to the U.S. a lot -- like a couple weekends a month -- be an issue? I know about residency requirements both to maintain P.R. status and to achieve eligibility for citizenship. But will the back-and-forth cause any problems?)

I've decided, with enthusiasm, that I want to go back to teaching, which is a career that got derailed a while back. There's a certificate program in Vancouver that I'm very excited about. Upon completion, with the B.A. that I already have, I can get certified to the teaching in which I'm interested. I only want to teach adults; I don't want to work with minors. My primary area is ESL (or more politically correct, TESOL), but I also have had experience in Adult Basic Education and helping folks get their GEDs or high school diplomas as adults. I would also like to look at training, but I don't as yet have many formed ideas or information. From what I've read, Vancouver would have a lot of opportunities for me to teach.

You'll notice there's not any politics in this post. I'm just fried. You know how I feel; nothing's changed.

Digression (and now for something completely different, for you Monty Python fans): Alan and I have been listening to Paula Poundstone read her book on CD. One thing she mentions is that she's an atheist. She talked about an incident, with humor, of how a prominent religious person said, kiddingly, at a public event that they would "need to have a talk." Paula Poundstone noted that while she laughed along with the others, she couldn't help but think that no one would think that her saying that would be funny, that she needed to convince a religious person to her way of thinking. Good point.

That almost catches this blog up; there will be another post coming very soon (honestly). I hesitate to promise tomorrow because of how I'm feeling and I've had to work through a few bouts of nausea while writing this. For anyone who's made it to the end of these ramblings, thanks for reading.

Buffalo Shuffled Us to Seattle

2007-02-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

In yesterday's mail:

Government of Canada
Consulate General of Canada

February 8, 2007

Dear Sir/Madam:

This refers to your application for permanent residence in Canada.

In order to expedite the processing of your application, your file has been sent to: Canadian Consulate General [street address, fax, email] Seattle.

The Canadian Consulate General in Seattle will complete the analysis of your application and determine if a personal interview with a visa officer is required. Your file number remains the same.

The Canadian Consulate General in Buffalo no longer has your file. Therefore we cannot acknowledge or respond to future correspondence from you. Please do not submit any further documents or correspondence to this office.

In the event of a change in your address, marital status or family composition, you must inform the office noted above. Do not use the CIC e-Cas online change of address system. Your new address will not be downloaded to your file in Seattle.

Do not request the status of your file within ninety (90) days of the date of this letter.

All future correspondence you receive will be from the office noted above.

Sincerely,
Immigration Section

Mary Cheney, a lesbian but not a friend

2007-02-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

When I first heard this from Mary Cheney, I howled at the hypocrisy:

"When Heather and I decided to have a baby, I knew it wasn't going to be the most popular decision," Cheney was quoted in the New York Times. Heather Poe is Cheney's partner of 15 years. The article continues, "[Cheney] then gestured to her middle—any bulge disguised by a boxy jacket—and asserted: 'This is a baby. This is a blessing from God. It is not a political statement. It is not a prop to be used in a debate, on either side of a political issue. It is my child.'"

Once again, I cannot improve upon the words of Dan Savage in The Stranger, so please read his recent column.

Also, while there, check out: Gay Activist Challenges DOMA Ruling, Spoofing It by Initiative. I've thought about it, but this guy is doing it!

On a personal note, I am way behind in what I call my "Canada reading" (blogs, yahoo groups, etc.), but I have some time off this week and I'm hoping to get caught up with the latest news from everyone.

By the way, Blogger is apparently forcing me to switch to the New Blogger, so if everything disappears, you know what happened ...

I knew something was missing ...

2007-01-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

From the HRC Weekly Update from Joe Solmonese delivered to my email Inbox yesterday:

Congresswoman Marilyn Musgrave and Senator Wayne Allard, the lead sponsors of the discriminatory Federal Marriage Amendment, have announced that they will not be re-introducing the proposal. They say that it's futile in the new Democratically-controlled Congress. Anti-marriage activists will surely shop the amendment around for new sponsors, but the message from Allard and Musgrave was clear: we're not wasting our time anymore.

The news was made that much sweeter by this year's State of the Union address. For the first time since 2003, President Bush did not mention his support of the FMA in his address before Congress. Perhaps, he's finally realized he has little to gain by using his bully pulpit to attack our families. It also would have made for an awkward image from the podium, since he was flanked by Vice President Dick Cheney and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, both opponents of the FMA.

Of course, being a glass-half-empty kind of guy, I couldn't help but be disgusted by the news that W. had mentioned the FMA four years in a row.

"There's discrimination in the tax code."

2007-01-25T21:20:00.000-08:00

W.'s latest proposal (and, NO, it's not in any way to get you talking about something other than Vietnam -- I mean, Iraq) is to allow folks who pay for their health insurance directly to deduct that cost on their tax returns. People who get their health insurance through their employers are already not taxed on that part of their compensation. W. would pay for the new tax break by taxing those with "gold-plated" employer-provided health insurance.

W. actually said, "there's discrimination in the tax code." Because some people are taxed on the cost of their health insurance and some are not.

Now let's set aside for the moment that the number of people without insurance in the U.S. is the same or greater than the entire population of Canada and that this plan will not realistically help anyone who is not already insured.

Forgive me for beating a dead horse and I know it is far from being the world's greatest injustice, but there's another disparity in that very same tax code in regard to health insurance.

Alan and I are very fortunate in that his employer pays for most of my health insurance, recognizing me as a "domestic partner." The total cost of that insurance IS taxed because I am not a legally-recognized spouse. (The company has to calculate the value and put it in a separate box on the W-2.) Also, Alan can have a health care spending account which allows him to set aside pre-tax dollars for out-of-pocket medical expenses. We were told that I cannot participate because I am not a legally-recognized spouse. This is not the fault of the company (as they make clear in an annual letter); it is due to federal law.

W. didn't mention that discrimination that will not be remedied by his plan.

And (I just can't help myself) why should availability of health care be affected by one's employment or marital status anyway? The U.S. spends more money per capita on health care than any other nation but does not have the best even for those lucky enough to have insurance. The employer-provided insurance model has failed. But heaven forbid the U.S. join all those socialists in the rest of the more-developed world.

Spy-tracking Toonies?

2007-01-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

Have you seen this?

In a U.S. government warning high on the creepiness scale, the Defense Department cautioned its American contractors over what it described as a new espionage threat: Canadian coins with tiny radio frequency transmitters hidden inside.

The government said the mysterious coins were found planted on U.S. contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors traveled through Canada.

Full story here.

"Do you love Walmart?"

2007-01-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

"Do you love Walmart?" I was watching a special about Walmart on CNBC. This question was asked by a Walmart company higher-up to a floor worker at one of their stores. I was appalled. It's not enough that you pay them five or six bucks an hour and make them wear that smiley face. The debasement comes, too, in a test of your loyalty and faith: do you love Walmart?

An employer has a reasonable expectation that an employee will perform well and when that includes customer service, service with a smile. That's part of the job. But that's not enough for this company: Do you love Walmart?

How is that person expected to respond? What is she going to say? "No, I think you suck and I'm doing this because I can't find anything else right now." So what's the purpose behind the question if there's realistically only one answer?

Other memorable scenes: employees in a newly-opened store in China clapping and chanting the Walmart slogan. In another store, they were singing Walmart's praises -- to the tune of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy." OMFG.

It's not enough that they own most of your life anyway, they want your soul. Perhaps it could be amusing if they weren't one of the nation's largest employers and one of the world's largest retailers. And if it wasn't part of an overall trend of the degradation of workers in the name of capitalism and free trade. Here's a thought: if you really treated your employees well, you wouldn't need to force them to say good things about you.

wedding bell blues

2007-01-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

Alan and I attended a church wedding yesterday. I had been dreading it; I hate weddings and try to avoid them. But the bride is a friend who has been very kind to us. She is the one who drove Alan and me up to Vancouver on short notice a year ago to be legally married. So, I felt obligated.

Once upon a time, I could just ride along with the ceremony and get into the spirit of things. Now, all I could see behind the words was the oppression they have been used to justify, including that of women. I have always balked at the masculine pronoun for God, so I just felt pummeled yesterday. And overall, it just feels that the whole "traditional" wedding thing is a show that most people don't really believe in, but if it's a show that doesn't hurt you personally, then you don't care.

One part that especially galled me was when the officiant said that marriage was, among other things, for the procreation of children if it be God's will. I know for a fact that the sentence is optional in the ceremony -- and it was omitted in the booklets that were printed for the attendees. I don't know if it was a political statement on the part of the clergyperson or not. I do know that the couple yesterday are beyond child-procreation age. Besides the obvious, I also wonder, what about adoption? "Procreation of children" -- I guess adoption is the consolation prize for the lesser children of God.

Why do they have to take love and narrowly compartmentalize it? Why, when there are so many different kinds of families that exist (some of them even functional), does society cling to a stereotype that doesn't work for most people?

Anyway, I am happy for the couple and I do wish them the best. But I have to admit that sitting through the service was a chore. I can sit home and feel alienated; I don't need to go out of my way.

Labels -- December redux

2007-01-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

December is not the easiest month, as I'm sure many feel. This last one I spent a lot of time being irritated and I know a large part of that is because the waiting on Canada is getting to me and because of my current irregular work/income situation. But also, I'm sick of the stupid "culture wars" that surround the holidays in December. The nattering that pretends to be a debate is never very honest, never very good-willed.

I am, by birth and upbringing, bi-cultural. Society is not good at dealing with those that do not neatly fit into categories. People want to classify other people and I find that often it is not in the hopes of understanding that person better, but in order to be able to project their pre-conceived notions of what certain labels mean or should mean -- whether for the ultimate purposes of bigotry or chauvinism (the flip side of bigotry, not as ugly), but still not constructive.

Having said the above, I make the following observations/opinions:

A Christmas tree is not the same as a crucifix. It's a green thing with lights and shiny things that is brought indoors in a time of darkness and dormancy. It has become a cultural symbol. Yes, it has roots in religion (but more pagan than Christian) -- but what doesn't? Shall we ban all the names of months and days of the week because they're named after gods? On the radio, I heard a leader of another religion talking about how Christian a Christmas tree is with the sap being the blood of Jesus Christ. I have NEVER heard of such a thing, although I'm sure you'll find some believers out there. But that's not the common understanding -- and he knows that.

Hanukkah (or however you'd like to spell it in English) is not the "Jewish Christmas." First, Christmas is not the central Christian holiday; Easter is. Christmas was created by popular demand for a birth holiday and to compete with previous (pagan) winter celebrations. Hanukkah is a minor post-biblical holiday. The primary Jewish holiday is the Sabbath (which, yes, occurs weekly), followed by the High Holy Days. Shoving a Hanukkah menorah next to a Christmas tree does nothing to promote understanding or to educate folks about the religious/cultural traditions of others.

Suggestion: In a public place, such as an airport, couldn't we have rotating displays -- throughout the year -- of different cultures and traditions?
Instead of promoting false equivalences, how about showcasing the uniqueness of each community and promoting better understanding? (And, yes, guidelines should be hammered out.)

It is not a crime to be a minority. Nor is it an offense to be in the majority. People in the majority should be respectful of those who are not. And those in the minority cannot expect those in the majority to wash themselves of all identity so as not to "offend." Let's just give an easy example: I don't expect male/female couples to hide their affection; it would be nice if I felt as comfortable holding my husband's hand in public without fear.

Well, now that I'm in for a penny, I'm in for a pound and I'll just continue to venture into shark-infested waters. I've had this idea for a post for the past month or so that I would call, "I'm not an atheist, but I play one in public."

I have always been attracted to, for lack of a better word, the spiritual. I believe that there are big questions and issues that are unknowable, that humans have often untapped capacity for good, that the whole can be more than just the sum of its parts. I don't think that any one culture or tradition has a monopoly on truth. That being said, there have been great people who have showed us glimpses of the best of humanity that do come from particular traditions and to separate them from their traditions is to not respect or understand them.

I think we need to judge people by their actions, how they treat other people, and not by their labels. (Don't get me wrong, organizations are very much on the hook for the ideas they promote and/or the lies they spread. And political parties are, by definition, about policy so backing one or another is about how people are treated.)

The scientific method is the best way we've come up with yet for exploring our natural world. Through science, we have greatly improved our lives. It doesn't answer questions of right and wrong; science is descriptive. What we do with the information is up to us.

When it comes to public policy in a pluralistic society/world, we have to stick with the tangible. There's no other way to get along. We need to look at how things affect people and the harm or help a policy will have on people. We'll never agree about the nature of things that we can't see and there's no point arguing; it only gets ugly and separates us further. I believe in the process of the scientific method. When it comes to public policy, I am an atheist.

But I don't like to apply that label to myself because it is not how I feel inside, it is not how I approach the world or the Big Questions. I'd really just like to be free to not know and to seek.

Those who claim to Know the Truth (such as by talking to God) scare me. Because, by definition, they can't be wrong in a debate. A scientific statement (one that is within the scope of the scientific method) is not one that can be proven true -- but one that can be proven false. That is, there is a way one could devise to show that this statement is incorrect if that's the case.

I've known a lot of people that have various approaches when it comes to religion or spirituality. Sometimes, they take on the labels of a particular tradition or practice. Sometimes, they lean one way or another, but shy from identification. Atheists. Agnostics. The people I respect have respect for others, care about others, do not demean others.

I'm uncomfortable giving religions a "free pass." One can't justify any behavior and say "that's my religion." One can't enslave others into compliance. I believe in a pluralistic society and we have to find a way to get along. Bringing religion into public policy debate is not helpful; it only serves to divide. Those kind of politics are about power, not the betterment of the community. And doing better and being better should be what it's all about, in my opinion. When it comes to public policy, we need to stick with the tangible. When it comes to someone's internal life, we shouldn't let that come between us; it's personal.

I don't know if this post is well-structured or coherent. But it feels good to get it out because I've been sitting on it for weeks now. To anyone who's made it through these ramblings ... well, I hope it hasn't been too arduous.

Peace.

Pardon?

2006-12-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

Because of the recent death of former President Ford, there has been a lot of re-hashing of Ford's pardon of his predecessor. Apparently, the current conventional wisdom is that Ford did the right thing in that he saved the U.S. from great pain and divisiveness of the trial of a U.S. president. Even Senator Kennedy is apologizing for his then criticism of Ford for the pardon, saying that he now believes that Ford did the right thing.

I have to ask if anyone else has thought the following other than me (because I haven't seen or heard it anywhere else and I'm not that original a thinker): Isn't it ironic that the Rs devoted incredible amounts of time, energy and money into an investigation called "Whitewater" that found NOTHING and then tried President Clinton for the crime of lying to a grand jury about sex (that was with a consenting adult, if not appropriate for various other reasons). This was after an investigation so mean-spirited and vast that it included research into what books Monica Lewinksy purchased and the publication of lurid sexual details.

Nixon, on the other hand, was guilty of not only every-day crimes (conspiracy, accessory to burglary) but Constitutional offenses.

Interesting that Ford can be called heroic for saving the nation from all that trauma and yet there is no mention of what the Rs did to the American people more recently.

Not to mention that Reagan wiped his butt with the Constitution ("Iran-Contra") and got a free pass. And W. thinks that the Executive branch is the only one that matters and the Constitution is for just for appearances.

I'm open to a debate as to whether the Nixon pardon was the right thing to do. BUT looking back at the past but not applying it to what happened after is at best not helpful. One could also call it cowardly or deceitful.

Filler

2006-12-02T20:22:00.000-08:00

While I have weightier posts rolling around in my head, here is a link to a piece "Why we love going to Canada" in today's Seattle Post-Intelligencer. It's mildly entertaining, if somewhat condescending.

Also, and this is a total steal from L-girl at we move to canada, I liked this so much that I want to link to it myself:

Hon. Stephane Dion [who just won the leadership of the Liberal Party -- I'm so glad it wasn't Ignatieff] in the House of Commons, November 27, 2006, Speaking to the motion: "That this House recognize that the Quebecois form a nation within a united Canada"

Wish I had life news to report, but I'm just treading water. I'm hoping to return with issue commentary soon.

So, yes, this post is filler to let you know this blog is alive.

The Legend of the "Self-Made Man"

2006-11-18T01:16:00.000-08:00

It really pisses me off when Americans don't appreciate what they have here in the United States. I guess there are folks who would think that about me, but it's not true. I feel incredibly LUCKY to have been born in a "first world" nation. I live with wealth and freedom unimagined by most of humanity throughout history, better than royalty of the past. I live in wealth unimagined by most of the planet, where lots of folks live on less than a dollar a day. You bet I appreciate it. But it doesn't mean that I think I somehow "deserve" it; I was lucky. I didn't choose where to be born.

It's interesting to me when wealthy people talk about poor people wanting handouts, getting something they didn't work for, as though everything the rich have was due to their own hard work. NOT! It takes a society -- past, present, future -- to build and maintain wealth.

Do I think a medical doctor should be paid more than a dishwasher? Absolutely. The doctor has completed years of education, has taken the time to develop important specialized skills, and has a great deal of responsibility. So, I do not begrudge the doctor a huge house, the best car, the latest toys, etc. But the dishwasher doesn't deserve to live on the street or in a slum without medical care. We are all a part of society and how we treat those with the least among us is the ultimate test of a civilization.

I came across a post on the blog City in the Trees (Toronto, Ontario) that just rang out truth to me. Thank you for your words and more power to you, Lone Primate:

Let's keep in mind that we, as individuals, owe nearly everything to the society in which we live. Without it, you're just some guy banging rocks together in the forest, listening to the wolves howl. 99.9% of everything any one of us has or achieves is based on the millions who came before us; when and where we happened to be born; who our parents were, what they already had, and the other advantages that had already accrued to them (which in turn were based on the same societal opportunities)... in short, virtually none of what any of us has or builds is based on some unique effort or personal virtue. Mostly, it's luck of the draw, and taking an advantage and running with it. If you're smart about it, you ought to benefit from it... but those benefits should not be absolute or infinite. The more you glean from your society, the more you owe back to it, both morally and materially.

25 years

2006-11-16T13:52:00.000-08:00

My disappointment with the United States is not recent. It goes back further than the “election” of 2004 or even 2000. We have missed nearly every opportunity for the past 25 years.

After the horror of Vietnam, we could have learned that the U.S. government could not will – and bomb – the world into submission. Instead, the 80s brought us Rambo and the U.S. became the victim of the Vietnam War in popular mythology. (The way Vietnam veterans were treated was reprehensible and I don't mean to imply otherwise; they were scapegoated while the criminals in the U.S. government went free.) It seemed like a blood-lust was cultivated and the U.S. was looking for an opportunity to flex its muscles. We learned nothing.

In the 70s, there was an “oil crisis.” It could have been a wake-up call that such dependence on oil and fossil fuels was not a good idea. Besides being bad for the environment and a limited resource that will not last forever, it makes us vulnerable. Under the Carter administration, there was a lot of talk about research on alternative, especially renewable, energy resources. There was a whole report (having something to do with year 2000) produced by the government. There were challenges, but there were things we could do – given the time, attention, and resources.

But then Reagan was elected in 1980 and all that was thrown out the window. We learned nothing and, in fact, went in the opposite direction and proceeded to get further in bed with undemocratic oil-producing nations and made their interests the interests of the U.S.

And then there’s religion. Did you know that in the 1980 election, the three major candidates (Carter, Reagan, Anderson) all felt compelled to declare that they were born-again Christians? Not just Christians, but “born again.” 1980. A de-facto religious test for the highest elected office. Constitutional principles anyone?

Say what you will about President Carter; he wasn’t the most effective executive, blah, blah, blah. But he had a moral compass and, despite his strongly held religious views, was respectful of other people. What is not often discussed is that he tied U.S. foreign aid to the state of human rights in a country. It was not perfect, but there was improvement; it did make a difference. And there was many a dictator (and amoral businessperson) that despised him for this.

When Reagan was elected in 1980, the oligarchs in Central and South America cheered. They held champagne parties; their guy was in. Back to trampling on the poor while the U.S. turns a blind eye and signs trade agreements with you. Not only that: the U.S. trained others in the “art” of black ops (torture, oppression, etc.). Seriously, the U.S. sent teachers and had “schools.” The U.S. not only supported monsters, the U.S. created them.

The U.S. government consistently supported dictators/juntas and attempted to topple democratically-elected governments (often with success). Chile (that was in the 70s). Panama. Nicaragua. El Salvador.

As Dr. Frankenstein will tell you, the problem with monsters is that they sometimes get out of control. So then the U.S. tramples over a country and kills more civilians to oust their man-gone-bad. Noriega was a perfect example of this. And how many people know today that in the past Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden were supported by the United States government?

Reagan’s people so hated the Sandinistas, they formed and funded their own little army accountable to no one. It was called “Iran-Contra” in the press and most people never understood it. Just another Washington scandal. Sounds like a coup d’etat to me. Somehow, the public faces of this travesty managed to paint themselves as patriots and wrapped themselves in the flag. And if the public never really understood it then, who remembers it now? The “liberal” media does a great job.

When hostages were taken at the U.S. embassy in Iran, Americas tearfully looked to the skies with grief and asked, “Why us? Why do they hate us? What did we ever do? We’re the good guys.” In NO WAY am I justifying terrorism. But any peasant – and I mean peasant – in Iran could have told you that the C.I.A. took out their chosen government in Iran and returned to them the despised Shah. How would we feel if a foreign government decided it didn’t like who we chose as leaders and replaced them?

Let’s talk about some of what Reagan did domestically. New York City became Calcutta West as the doors to hospitals and institutions were opened and their residents ejected. Lack of funding. While we always had “winos” and “bag ladies” in the streets, now we had “the homeless,” a new class of people. You could literally trip over the people living in the subway stations. See, policies do affect people.

Many of us on the Left cheered when President Clinton was elected in 1992. After twelve years of Reagan/Bush, we finally had a Democrat in the White House. We now had hope. Crash! Reagan’s people did their job so well that the Democrat who was elected was to the right of Nixon on domestic policy. “Liberal” was a bad word and the scale shifted so much that many of us fell off the left side.

Did Clinton reverse the “War on Drugs?” No. Did he dismantle welfare but not insure a living wage? Yes. Did he sign the “Defense of Marriage Act?” Yes. Did he reign over the most prosperous economic growth in United States history and turn a record deficit into a record surplus? Yes. BUT – the dirty secret – things still became harder for the working and middle classes and while the gap between the rich and poor may have slowed its growth, it still grew. The prosperity helped the few, not the many.

You get the picture. It’s not just the current occupant of the White House or the number of Ds and Rs in Congress. It’s the failure to live up to the principles on which the United States was supposedly founded. What we do have is xenophobia, selfishness, and greed. And while U.S. history reeks with blood and oppression, many of us once believed that at least we were moving forward, growing into greatness. Instead, the United States has regressed and become an ugly caricature.

US: Immigrants May Be Held Indefinitely

2006-11-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON (AP) - Immigrants arrested in the United States may be held indefinitely on suspicion of terrorism and may not challenge their imprisonment in civilian courts, the Bush administration said Monday, opening a new legal front in the fight over the rights of detainees. Nov 13, 11:23 PM (ET)By MATT APUZZO

The above greeted me when I returned to my computer. I was watching the TV program Studio 60 and I heard a great line between two people having a heated discussion, something along the lines of "You don't have to remind me that my party [Dems] is full of panderers and mediocrity." So, I guess it's not a secret. That, or at least Aaron Sorkin and I agree. :-)

But back to the horror that is the above news. I think I've discovered a new vein in my head because it's throbbing. We're talking about people who have immigrated to the United States legally and have legal status to be here. That is what we hope to be one day North of our current border. In Canada, we know that Permanent Residents have the same rights and obligations as citizens with the exception of voting and holding certain government positions. So I think about my counterparts here in the United States. Essentially, the current junta (what other word can be used to describe this group?) is saying that they have no rights.

The United States declares itself to be the land of democracy, freedom, and opportunity, the leader of the "free world." FALSE ADVERTISING. The Statue of Liberty is weeping and her tablet welcoming those yearning to breathe free has cracked down the middle and fallen into the depths.

This is a nightmare. Someone please wake me up.

Are we reconsidering our plans with the results of Tuesday's elections?

2006-11-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

This was asked by a columnist from The Seattle Times yesterday. The answer is no, and I had never even considered the question until he emailed me. Would we go through with this ordeal if our motivations could turn with the results of an election?

The Democrats do not represent me. They play it safe and try not to take a stand on anything. They like to scare liberals with the boogey (sp?) man and say, hey, we're not as bad as those guys. And for that I'm supposed to be excited?

Again, yes, I believe they are the lesser of two evils. But notice that they're still an evil. And together they conspire with the Republicans to keep other parties and other voices out. They limit the public forum, they limit our electoral choices, and have the nerve to claim a name that shares the same root with democracy. And they're not even a real second party -- they're a "lite" version of the other one. Same bad taste, only half the corruption and bigotry! Over and over again, the Democrats have let the Rs control the conversation, define the terms.

And where is the vision? What does the Democratic Party stand for? Can they make a statement with strength, without pandering? Examples: the war in Iraq, the Orwellian "Patriot Act", equal marriage rights for same-sex couples. Remember, it was President Clinton who signed the "Defense of Marriage Act." And while folks argue that he "had to" because a veto would have been overturned, it would have been a stand. And what exactly did signing it do for him or the Democrats? And candidate Kerry, instead of saying he believes the government should respect and support ALL families, instead tried to walk the fence and say that marriage is between a man and a woman only. He did this, of course, because he "had to" -- to win the election. How'd that work out? So many Ds are worthy of some kind of entertainment award for tap dancing in discussing their views on the war in Iraq. (Exhibit A: Maria Cantwell, Senator for the State of Washington)

The Rs, for their part, have allowed the religious zealots (The Stranger calls them the "American Taliban") to take over their party. There's a place in public argument to say we should be reserved in foreign policy, careful in taxation and spending, limited in government involvement. Is that what the Rs are today? I don't think so. Where do small c conservatives go? Some Rs made a deal with the devil to gain power. I do believe there are Rs who are disgusted -- but where do they go? (My answer: vote Libertarian, there's no excuse for voting R and I offer no forgiveness. As long as they can count on your vote, they will not change. Take your business elsewhere.)

Anyway, here's the column that Danny Westneat of The Seattle Times wrote after speaking with me. For the most part, I think it represents the conversation we had and, more importantly, doesn't put words in my mouth that I disagree with. I do wish that he had mentioned that I am married and that my husband and I are in this together.

"democracy" inaction **

2006-11-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

In a normal democracy, given the state of public opinion and the record of the incumbent government, it would be taken for granted that come next Tuesday the ruling party would be turned out. But, for reasons that have less to do with the wizardry of Karl Rove than with the structural biases of America’s electoral machinery, Democrats enter every race carrying a bag of sand. The Senate’s fifty-five Republicans represent fewer Americans than do its forty-five Democrats. On the House side, Democratic candidates have won a higher proportion of the average district vote than Republicans in four of the five biennial elections since 1994, but—thanks to a combination of gerrymandering and demo-graphics—Republicans remain in the majority. To win back the House, Democrats need something close to a landslide.*

* Talk of the Town Comment: "Hearts and Brains" written by Hendrik Hertzberg in The New Yorker, November 6, 2006 issue. Clicking on the paragraph should link to the source.

I do believe that if the Democrats win back Congress (and I am doubtful because the Repugnicans have become adept at stealing elections), things will be less worse. But will the character of the U.S. change? I don't think so. The two-party duopoly must end if there is to be a democracy in the United States. We need more voices. We also need a return to a government with three branches.

** credit for the title goes to Jon Stewart of The Daily Show

Back from vacation

2006-10-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick post to note that yes, I'm still alive. We were out-of-town for a bit and while we did have some internet access, it wasn't much and I didn't have a good opportunity to blog.

We were in Texas visiting Alan's 96-year-old grandmother and his aunt that lives next door. From there it was a hop to New Orleans to visit Alan's parents and some of our friends.

I'm still feeling like I'm getting settled. Plus, I have to find work. And I have to follow up on our kitty's urinary problem. So my mind isn't very focused.

I have a lot of catching up to do; I haven't visited my blog haunts for a couple of weeks. Anyway, just wanted to say boo for now and I hope to write a real post soon.

Coming Out

2006-10-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today is National Coming Out Day, so I thought I'd write my coming out story. This is the first time I've thought of these things as one story, connected, as opposed to separate memories of my life. Or, at least, it's certainly the first time I've tried to write it down.

I have memories of being different as young as four or five. I always looked at boys differently than I looked at girls. But much of my different-ness was expressed more by who I wasn't than by who I was. I was never a rough-and-tumble child and I never had much interest in "boy things." To this day, you can't get me more bored than by bringing up sports. Oh, I did/do like some parts of the summer Olympics: male gymnastics, swimming, and diving. (God, did I have a crush on Greg Louganis!)

My mother is a feminist, so she was pretty cool about the not living up to gender expectations. Still hurt by not being able to get a train set when she was young because it was a "boy's toy," Mom gave me an Easy Bake Oven. I was five or six and the only boy I knew with one. When I was eight, I had a hamster that I named Liza Minnelli. Swear to God. What's amazing to me is that this was all on my own. At the time, I had no idea I was a stereotype. It really is an interesting mystery how many (though I'm well aware not all) gay boys find their way to the same cultural icons.

When I was in the fourth grade, I made the mistake of sharing that I had a crush on a boy. I don't think I fully realized that this was not the norm and that this particular difference was not looked upon with favor. I'm not sure how I lived that one down.

In fifth grade, bookish library-dweller that I was, I first made connections and started to look up "homosexuality" in the index of books. By sixth grade, I felt apart from my peers, in my own isolated world. Not that I was willing or able to take on the label at that point.

It was seventh grade when I first started confiding in a female friend; we used to compare notes about cute boys. Some days she was fine with it; others, she would freak out. It was also around this time that I had a "girlfriend," who was a friend that I held hands with. I had no interest in anything else physical, although I did confess to her that I thought I may be "bisexual." (With many apologies to bisexuals everywhere. But, really, I was 13.)

Is there any way to describe junior high that would really give you an idea of what it was like for me? I lived in constant terror. The taunting began at the bus stop and was pretty much non-stop until I was home. (Which was not that much better, but those pleasant stories can wait.) I have to say that I wasn't beat up very often, but I lived in fear of my safety all the time and, of course, the ritual humiliation. I remember that my mantra inside my head is that I just wanted to be left alone. There was a particular tormentor whose name I can still remember.

I had a couple of misfit friends that weren't there in eighth grade. Picture a lunch room filled with those long tables that hinge in the middle so they could be folded upright. And there I was, sitting at a table to myself like I had leprosy.

There is no doubt in my mind that the 12-14 age group is the cruelest. Kids are trying to find out who they are, working to fit in, wanting to know their place in that microcosm of society. How I managed to not attempt suicide: I had a teacher, who became a mentor, that was very important to me. I do attribute my survival to her.

I kept a diary off and on. What's more interesting than what is in there is what isn't. No mention of same-sex feelings and other heavy-duty emotional things going on in my life. I was too terrified. But I did find an entry that, to me, brings up a larger question. On this day, I expressed a desire to see some of my tormentors dead and I was very serious. It was chilling to read this in a post-Columbine world. Why didn't I act on these feelings? Well, first, I didn't have access to an arsenal. And, second, while my parents were not very involved in my life, I did know that my mother loved me and that meant something to me.

I'm not sure that adults really understand how bad it can be. Social conservatives love to make fun of programs that try to make schools safer by working on underlying causes, like bullying and intolerance. They want military- and prison- style solutions. (And that is the direction my high school went in.) They have no problems with kids living in a hell, they just want to avoid bloodshed. The rest of us are just wimpy knee-jerk liberals that don't want to hold people responsible for their actions. We should just wait for something horrific to happen and then try the teens as adults. Such a shame that we can't put them to death anymore. And don't you dare suggest sharing the blame with adults who keep uzis lying around: These young people must learn that there are consequences to their actions.

We now return to our previous program.

High school was somewhat better, although I was called "faggot" every single day and I'm not exaggerating. Taking higher level classes meant that many of the other students had more important things to do than bother with me. Gym class was, as it is to so many gay boys, the bane of my existence. I made avoiding gym an art form. First, there are the forged notes. But that only goes so far without a doctor's note. I learned how to go AWOL. I still had to face the horror that is the locker room, but once attendance was taken, I would make myself scarce until the end of the period. I wasn't missed. (My God, how can we play whateverball without our star player?)

WAIT! All is not without hope. Within a couple weeks of graduation (the exercises I skipped, of course), I was at my first Gay Pride celebration in New York. There I was walking down the middle of Fifth Avenue with Gay and Lesbian Youth of New York holding hands with a guy who would become my first boyfriend. It was an unbelievable feeling of liberation. I had never seen so many gay people, never knew how diverse we are, never knew that this many people were willing to proclaim their identities in public. Not much could compare to the high of that day. (college graduation, our wedding)

I first started to tell people I was gay when I was 16; it was to the girl I went to a prom with (her prom, not mine -- shudder) to explain the lack of activity after the prom. It was all tearful and dramatic. She refused to believe me. (Because it was so out of character and people always say they're gay when they're not.) I told my mother a few months after and she more-or-less accepted it; it took a year or more to fully accept it. Of course, she wanted me to be celibate, presumably because of AIDS. (But what parent wants to acknowledge the sexuality of their children regardless?)

I didn't go "public" until I went to college. I deliberately chose a small uber-liberal school where I would feel safe. Those were my training wheels in being out. One of my favorite stories was when I was with another student after class and we continued a conversation back to my dorm room. He looked at the posters of boy candy (come on, I had a whole adolescence to make up for) and asked, "Is your roommate a faggot?" "No, I am." He had the decency to be deeply embarrassed. But, really, it wasn't about his question, it was about my answer.

[Another memorable exchange was when a campus doctor was taking a throat culture from me because an ick was going around and he very innocently observed that I was the first person that hadn't gagged. I looked him in the eye and said, "no comment." One would think that someone who had been to medical school wouldn't blush over something like that.]

I found my first college limiting academically, so I transferred to Huge University, close to where I grew up, after a year. I not only was out, I became an activist. The first thing to go up in my dorm room was a big pink triangle, much to the horror of my brother who helped me move in. Despite various dramas, I loved college. I loved the freedom, I loved learning, I loved the diversity and the exchange of ideas. I was in the running for BFOC.

I made the front page of a local paper, the one most read in the area where I grew up. (Granted, it was a Saturday, which I think has the lowest circulation.) My mother had a friend who never talked to her again after that day. Wow, bigotry by association. What a world.

What was cool is that I could see that my activism made a difference. I challenged the campus bookstore on the ridiculous wording on their job applications and they were forced to change to align with the university's non-discrimination policy. I had other students ask questions in response to the pink triangle I wore. At a meeting with university administration, I challenged their view that discrimination against LGBT people was not the same or as bad as race discrimination because we could "hide it." (I asked if they would ask Jews to remove yarmulkes if they were harassed or felt threatened.) I produced surprisingly well-attended forums on homosexuality and religion.

(By the way, I wasn't a one-issue person. I was also involved in protesting U.S. foreign policy, but I can wait to bore you with that another day.)

As out as I think I am, there are always challenges. Which people do you correct? Is this situation worth it? When do I say something that would out me in a new job situation? And I've learned that coming out isn't just about being gay; it's about the ongoing journey of living an authentic and integrated life.

A healthy Coming Out Day to you and yours. Next year in Canada!

USA is #1 -- or Why? Part 3

2006-10-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

A while back L-girl of we move to canada wrote that to her politics was personal, that behind policies were people whose everyday lives were affected. (I wish I could find the reference, but I can’t figure out how to search correctly.) I couldn’t agree more. Part of the reason why politics would ruin me is because I do take things personally. And that’s why, although it’s been on my mind for quite a while to write about this subject, I haven’t done so until now. Because when I try to force myself to systematically think about this, I feel like my head is going to explode.

The United States of America, home of the free and the brave, has the highest rate of incarceration in the world, with 738 per 100,000 population in prison. The next highest is the Russian Federation with 607. China has 118, Cuba is approximately 487, Iran 206, Libya 207. Canada, by the way is ranked 121 with a rate of 107/100K, which puts it more in the company of the U.K., Spain, Australia and Italy. The U.S., is not only number one, but it stands alone – as it often does in many areas, but not ones that I’m proud of. Think about this: The United States has more people in prison – not just the rate – than anywhere else on Earth. About 600,000 more than China, although they have, what, four or five times the U.S. population. Two million, one hundred eighty-six thousand, two hundred thirty individuals; please stop and consider that number. Are you horrified?

It is very difficult to talk about this without spinning off onto tangents, each of which is worthy of study on its own. The crime rate in the United States is NOT higher than other industrialized nations, with the exception (natch) of violence, especially murder. The U.S. is the only industrialized nation without strict gun control and guns make it easier to kill people. But still, only about half of those in prison are there for violent offences. So that alone does not explain the U.S.’s unique status.

The U.S. gives far harsher sentences for non-violent property crimes, such as theft and burglary. Part of this is the American idea of individual responsibility: do the crime, do the time. I’d rather call it lack of social responsibility. We’d rather incarcerate people than educate them – most inmates do not even have a high school education – even though the latter is far cheaper, not even including social costs. There’s also been an attack on an independent judiciary and, in the name of getting tough on crime, legislators have tied the hands of judges in sentencing.

President Eisenhower warned us of the Military/Industrial complex; we’re pretty familiar with how that money and power drive our foreign policy (if it can even be called that). But how about the prison industry? The latest trend is to have private companies run prisons. Prison guard unions are strong. There are company towns where the “industry” is imprisonment. And prison labor is “leased” to all sorts of businesses. Technically, this is not slave labor, as the inmates are paid, although well below minimum wage and with as much as 80% of earnings paid back to their “hosts’ for room and board.

Of course, non-“whites” are much more likely to receive a jail term. This is, unfortunately, true in almost every country, including Canada. But when you look at the numbers in the U.S., it boggles the mind. We have institutionalized racism and called it “justice.” I am literally nauseous just thinking about it.

But let’s talk about the biggest reason for the incarceration rate increase in the United States since 1980: The War on Drugs. Remember that one? – it was before the War on Terror. Apparently, the White House is not happy unless we are at war. It doesn’t seem to matter to them when the wars are on our own citizens (or on peaceful citizens of other nations). I’m too young to remember President Johnson’s War on Poverty; it seems unreal to me that there was a time when a politician actually wanted to address a social issue without attacking people. Now we have the War on Poor People, especially those darker skinned than most politicians.

Persons in jail for drug offenses have increased more than ten-fold since 1980. Despite rhetoric from talking heads in Washington, these are not kingpins: most are for simple possession – and most of that for marijuana. I’m afraid I’ll start frothing at the mouth and become incoherent, but I’ll try to control myself. HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING SINCE PROHIBITION? It didn’t work! Almost all organized crime in the U.S. can be traced to that time. The social costs were enormous. It turned us into a nation of hypocrites. When laws don’t make any sense and are routinely ignored, people lose respect for law in general (IMHO). IF ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO ARE LEGAL THAN WHY NOT MARIJUANA? I’ll answer my own question: classism, racism, business, and history. Peter McWilliams covers this topic very well (and very readably) in Ain't Nobody's Business if You Do: The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in a Free Society. (A great book, except I disagree with him about guns – a topic for another post.)

I would rather the government spend money on education and health care (including addiction treatment) than on prisons. My way would probably be cheaper over all, despite my liberal ways – but then the Republicans would lose their favorite activities of making sure resources stay with the rich, white, and powerful and intimidating everyone else.

The fair-minded like to believe that if people are in jail that there is a reason. In the United States, the problem is that those reasons are just as likely to be unjust laws as it is the commission of a crime. In a previous post, I asked how the United States has the nerve to call itself a democracy. Today I ask: How can we call the United States a free country?

Sources:

Incarceration Nation: The US is the World’s Leading Jailer, by Michael I. Niman, Buffalo Beat, January 4th, 2000

International Centre for Prison Studies (Click on “World Prison Brief” to look at statistical comparisons among nations.)

Comparative International Rates of Incarceration: An Examination of Causes and Trends, Presented to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, By Marc Mauer, Assistant Director, The Sentencing Project, June 20, 2003

The War on Marijuana: The Transformation of the War on Drugs in the 1990s, by Ryan S. King and Marc Mauer, Research Associate and Assistant Director, respectively, of The Sentencing Project, May 2005

2 Parties & 0 Choices or Why? Part 2 of ??

2006-10-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

While catching up on my New Yorker reading this weekend, (why, oh, why does it have to be a weekly?), I found this nugget in a piece about post-presidency Bill Clinton (The New Yorker, Sept. 18, 2006, "The Wanderer," David Remnick, page 66):

... a recent report in the Chicago Tribune revealed that the Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert, began his career in Congress with a net worth of three hundred thousand dollars and now has assets of six million, owing largely to an almost fantastical increase in the value of land near a highway project that he helped push through Congress.

Where is the investigation? The disgust and outrage? When Clinton was president, Congress spent years and years and dollars and dollars investigating "Whitewater," which turned up NOTHING. But that didn't matter because the Republicans got what they were after: to almost completely stall the Clinton presidency. Money, time, and effort that could have gone to solve very real problems were wasted. The Republicans also hardly allowed votes to approve or deny appointments for the federal judiciary. It didn't matter that the system was backed up and the courts were unable to do their job and all the sitting judges complained. Because it's all about power.

And when the Democrats were in power, they pulled crap, too.

I don't think either party, Democrats or Republicans, really care about making this a better country. Their job is to maintain or re-gain power, to be re-elected. And they're very good at it. Together, the two parties do everything in their power to shut out other voices, other parties. The Democrats and Republicans need each other because all they have to do is wrest power from the other, usually by showing how bad the other is. On any issue, they don't need to formulate a policy, they only have to position themselves in relation to the other party. They don't actually DO anything because they don't have to. In fact, it's often better to let a bad situation get worse, so that one party can use the issue in the next election. Do we wonder why we have such a horrible rate of voting in the United States? Our Congresspeople are office seekers and office holders, not representatives.

I do believe that the Democrats are the lesser of two evils, but I'm not excited about voting for an evil, even if is the "better" one. If we were allowed to have a multi-party system, other voices could be heard. It might force the parties to actually have to say and do something real. I don't see it happening any time soon. The ones in power like it this way.

Besides, they've gone around the whole "voting" issue anyway; do you feel confident that your vote is accurately counted? And the tricks are getting dirtier and more subtle for suppressing the vote.

This is a capitalist nation first and foremost. More money = more power and more power = more money.

I can't believe we have the nerve to call this country a democracy. True, on the whole, we enjoy more freedom and greater wealth than most of humankind throughout history has ever seen. I feel lucky for that. But the United States falls far, far short of the ideals that are espoused. And too often our freedom and wealth are built on the poverty and servitude of others in the world. Forgive me if I don't take pride in that.

Why? Part 1 of ??

2006-10-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

This has been hard for me to start because I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know where to end. But I’ve been meaning to take a stab at it for months, so here goes and I hope I have some coherence:

First, it’s important to know that Alan and I are wanting to relocate to Canada because of what’s happening and happened in the United States and because of what’s happened and what’s happening in Canada. Could the United States be worse? Yes. Could Canada be better? Yes. Are we extremely lucky to be born in the United States and have the possible opportunity of moving to Canada? Yes. And I think I’ve said all of the above before, so now you’re saying, “OK, and …”

Well, one of the reasons I got the courage to tackle this post is because L-girl at the blog we move to canada wrote this post that gives this summary:

Some things Canada does better, relative to the US, by differences of kind. Health care, personal freedoms (abortion rights, same-sex marriage), justice (no death penalty). A fair election system. Democracy! Some things Canada does better only by degree. Those degrees are important, they represent real progress.

Also, I’ve been reading Fire and Ice: The United States, Canada and the myth of converging values by Michael Adams. I’m fascinated because it makes a lot of intuitive sense and it’s giving me a vocabulary to discuss what I’ve been observing and feeling. I can’t do it all justice, which is OK because Mr. Adams wrote a whole book about his studies and theories. :-) Basically, what he is saying is that society in the United States is going in one direction and the rest of the “first world” is going in another. Alan and I are in the latter category, which, I suppose, can help explain why I feel like an alien in my country of birth.

What is remarkable about social change in America is the society’s absolute failure – or refusal – to postmodernize. Nothing is more striking about the socio-cultural portrait of American social values than the country’s wholesale retreat from the idealism and fulfillment side of the map. Americans are moving en masse from the trends associated with civic engagement and social and ecological concern.

The author, based on many questions and the patterns of answers, categorizes society into four groups. Two of the groups are easy to describe because it’s the dichotomy we’re all used to: what we would call the religious right and progressive left. (I’m simplifying.) But there are two others. There are the famed “soccer moms,” suburbanites that believe in following the rules and maybe not questioning much, but aren’t so big into the judgment thing. They are the swing voters that the other two groups try to lure.

And there’s a fourth group which Adams identifies as “Exclusion and Intensity” and that is where society in the United States has been drifting, unlike the rest of the first world which is moving to “Idealism and Autonomy” (which I labeled progressive left above). (Note that when Michael Adams refers to left and right quadrants, he is referring to his own chart and method, NOT the traditional usage of political left and right.) This is more than a bit frightening:

It seems, then, that much of the culture war rhetoric has gotten one of the armies wrong. The group against whose cultural pull religious conservatives are struggling is not the aging hippies with their casual Buddhism and blended families, but the nihilistic denizens of the Intensity and Exclusion quadrant with their Everyday Rage, their Acceptance of Violence, and their general hostility toward the world around them. These findings would discomfit both the liberal progressives and the religious moralists. The political war in America is being waged between the upper-left (Status and Security) and lower-right (Idealism and Autonomy) quadrants, with both sides vying for the votes of the nice, “regular” people in the upper-right (Authenticity and Responsibility) quadrant. What few have realized thus far is that the team that’s winning the cultural war (the one that really matters) isn’t even wearing jerseys: the nihilistic lower-left (Exclusion and Intensity) quadrant is the fastest growing group in America, and they don’t vote.

Some people find solace in seeing the world in black-and-white and will cling to that view because they believe that anything else is chaos. Others, when discovering that the world includes many shades, just throw their hands up and decide that it’s everyone out for themselves. I guess I feel that too many Americans fall into those categories.

Canada, on the other hand, seems to have evolved more into a place that can embrace diversity. For example, there are many types of families and recognizing that is not anarchy or weakness, it’s a strength. Of course, that’s an issue near and dear to my heart, but as I’ve said before, it’s not the only one.

It drives me crazy when the religious right in the U.S. refers to “morals” and “values” when what they mean is THEIR morals and THEIR values. What’s worse is when the media picks up on this usage and refers to “values voters” meaning social reactionaries. I vote based on my values and my morals. I have a brain and I use it; that doesn’t make me a hedonist or an anarchist.

I just hope that the current Conservative minority government in Canada is the voters' punishment to the Liberals for their misdeeds and not a move closer to their neighbo(u)rs to the South.

Husband

2006-09-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but Alan and I recently celebrated our 11th anniversary. (I like to tell people we met when I was in junior high; Alan, in turn, is worried about his reputation.) It's weird because it seems like both a long time and a short time at the same time. I tell you, I'm nothing if not articulate. :-)

How we refer to one another has always been not quite clear. Alan prefers "bear," as in "my bear." There's a local columnist and author, Dan Savage, who still insists on calling his other half, with whom he has a child, his "boyfriend." While granting that they have the right to call each other whatever they want, it bothers me. They are not high school sweethearts going to the prom. They are a committed couple sharing a home with their child.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided that "partner" was the best term; it's egalitarian and gender-neutral. "Lover" has a connotation of sex-on-the-side and, well, it's so 70s. My initial thinking was that "husband" had two drawbacks: first, it just seems campy. And while I can be a big fan of camp, I want to show respect for my relationship. Second, when people hear "husband," they automatically think, "wife."

Can I go on a bit of a tangent here? Straight people often seem to have a need to categorize each person in a same-sex relationship: one is the "man" and one is the "woman." What drives me crazy is that they think I can't see the wheels turning in their heads, when it is so obvious by the questions they ask and where they pause when absorbing certain pieces of information. Alan one time shared an intensely personal aspect of our lives with a coworker just to rattle him and shut him up. (While I appreciate the end, I'm not fond of the means.) One of the things I think different-sex couples can learn from same-sex couple is that you are two unique PEOPLE; base your relationship on that, not on prescribed roles. At the same time, I don't think people should try to be something they are not because they don't want to "prove" a stereotype.

My problem with "partner" is that it's antiseptic. It sounds like we're a law firm (not that there's anything wrong with that). And it's safe. No one has to think about us as a family because we're a "partnership."

So, I got to thinking: Do I use "partner" to ease the discomfort of the straight world? Do I use it to avoid confrontation? Back when Alan and I had our ceremony with friends and family present, I resisted calling it a "wedding." That was a straight term and I didn't want straight people to think I was trying to be like them or to gain their approval. But what was really behind it?

OK, folks, confession time. I am the marrying kind. Always have been; it comes/came very naturally to me. I was talking about equal marriage rights back before it was on most people's radars. (I wasn't jonesing to join the army, but I knew I wanted to be married some day.)

Now that equal marriage rights are part of the national discussion ( -- like we "discuss" things rationally), I've grown more and more "militant." Militant meaning that I have the nerve to think that LGBT deserve to be treated equally under the law as everyone else. And I use the terms "marriage," "wedding," and yes, "husband." Because they're understood. Because people instantly know what they mean; these words need no translation. These words also are not filtered through comfort. To me, they say, "yes, we are a family," not a facsimile.

I do NOT believe that all families are or should be the same. I do NOT believe that everyone is the marrying kind and that people only have value based on their family lives (or their professional lives). I believe that there are many valid models for marriage and for not being married. In short, I believe that people should be respected -- and treated equally under the law.

Now, I'm going to kiss my husband.

Catching Up

2006-09-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

So, I've been catching up on my blog reading. I only have "we move to canada" left.

I don't write comments very much because often my feelings are "me, too" which seems uninspired. And I'm often pretty late. And other folks have already left the same comment I was thinking. So, I'm mostly a lurker. But I do try to keep up with the blogs listed here. We are becoming a little community. "Moving to Vancouver" suggests we all need to have a gathering in 2007 in Canada, as Canadians (PRs). Sounds good to me.

I talked to my eldest brother yesterday. His wife claimed Irish citizenship because her grandparents were born in Ireland. (Apparently, one can do that, at least for now.) And they've done it for the kids too, based on their mother's status. So, now my brother is applying for his Irish citizenship as the spouse. Citizenship, not permanent resident. They will have European Union passports. Wow. He just had to one-up me. :-) But seriously, they're not planning on moving; it's to give them options for the future. And while I'd love to have an E.U. passport, I am very happy and excited about moving to Canada. It's not just what's there; it's what Alan and I want. While we wouldn't be looking if we didn't have "issues" with the U.S., we want to be in Canada. (Am I making sense here?)

I've been thinking of what we could be doing -- concretely -- in preparation for a possible big move. So, I've started on a project on transferring our movies on video tape to DVD. Mind you, this is not pirating, as we own a legitimate copy and are just changing the medium for our own private use. (Of course, I don't know what to do with the tapes once I'm done.) DVDs weigh less and take up a lot less room. From four boxes to one album on a shelf.

We also are starting our places and activities list -- the "do while we're still here" list. And we crossed off our first one: the Puyallup Fair. We've lived in Seattle nine years and we've never been. So, well, it was a big fair and now we've been there, done that. You know, not that we're big into the PDAs in Seattle, but out in the world beyond the city, I sure feel like an outsider and a citizen of another planet.

Reading the goodbyes of Nick and Mason, I had this realization: Alan and I have pretty shallow roots in Seattle. Yes, we have a few friends, but I joke that we'll probably see more of them when/if we live in Vancouver than we do now (because we'll have to be more deliberate about it). Neither of us have jobs that are meaningful. I love our apartment and I will miss it, but it's not the same as if we owned the house of our dreams. It's weird to realize that while there will be a lot of stress in moving, saying goodbye won't be part of that.

I think that part of it is that we're homebodies and our diversions tend to be indoors, at home. Another part is that Seattle did not turn out to be the bastion of liberalism that we had heard it to be. Everything is relative; perhaps Seattle is practically communist in the U.S. political spectrum. In Canada, it might fall somewhere between the Liberal party and the Conservative party. (From what I know -- and I still have a lot to learn -- I'm an NDPer.)

Well, I guess it goes back to that alienation I keep mentioning but never really elaborating on. :-)

But it is my hope that I will be an active community member in Vancouver, where it feels at least that I will have a voice. And my family will be recognized.

Sometimes I get scared that I'm expecting too much or that I'm being naive. There was a post on the yahoo groups I read (see links list) that listed something like "8 reasons not to immigrate to Canada." I have to admit that it did raise some fear in me. The logical side of me says that this is a person with sour grapes that expected too much to be done for him and that the facts he listed were not the whole story. But the emotional part of my brain worries.

This post has been somewhat disjointed, a collection of stuff rattling around in my head. I've made a list of topics for future posts that I hope will have more depth. :-)

not a good month

2006-09-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

I've had worse, much worse, and it's all so puny anyway in the grand scheme of things ...

First, I got the stomach virus that was going around work. Then I got the cold/flu virus that was going around work. And now I'm "between jobs." You know, I had just -- just -- convinced myself that this assignment would get me through until/if we go to Vancouver. Ha! Karma, I tell you. I must have been a horrible boss in a previous life.

I don't worry too much about the financial aspect; with some squeezing, we can make it on Alan's salary alone. But I am concerned about the CIC application. I'm applying as a SKILLED WORKER. Not that there's ever been a question about my skills. But if I'm not working, kinda hard to show that I'm employable. Damn me and my high standards. (I will be treated respectfully and professionally at work.)

Now that I'm recovering from my latest illness (God, that was a really crappy cold; besides the usual stuff, at times my whole body hurt so bad), I feel more like I should be working. At the same time, I haven't been very forward in finding anything. Note that I'm writing this and not doing something else.

I'm way behind in my blog reading. I do know that Nick and Mason are on their way; I believe that tomorrow is the start of their new life in Toronto. (I also hear that there's news in Gito's situation, but I haven't caught up with the details yet.) I am so happy for them; I've really grown to like and respect them. But of course it brings up feelings. Will this be us in a year? Will we be the first couple not to make it? And the stress to come -- you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.

Am I having doubts? Not really. Every time I have the conversation in my head, it always boils down to the conclusion that I truly believe that our future will be safer in Vancouver. This is in addition to the alienation I feel in the U.S. and the affinity I feel for Canada. One of these days I will write more specifically about that.

I know I'm not as active as the other blogs, but I do care and I catch up eventually. I see that there's a new member of the "community." Welcome, Tom & Emilio of Canadian Hope. Good luck to all of us, everyone!

[In addition to adding a couple of blogs to the list along the right side of the page, I've also added three yahoo! groups of interest to the links list, and two titles to the book list. Oh -- I finally fixed the "Contact Us" email link with the help of Thomas, a new reader and hopeful CIC applicant.]

SAGs (AKA: BS)

2006-08-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

OK, so this is not the most burning topic in the world today. But I can't resist commenting. First, a confession: I broke down and bought a copy of People magazine. I couldn't resist Lance Bass's big announcement, not that it's a surprise. (A member of a boy band is gay? Did you also know the sky is blue?) I wanted to know how this was written about in the mainstream press and what Lance had to say.

Alan could hear me in the next room yelling at the magazine. (I yell at the TV, the computer monitor, and a variety of printed material, but my understanding is that I only have a problem if I start to hear them reply.)

The offending passage:

I want people to take from this that being gay is a norm. That the stereotypes are out the window. Being who I am and living my life the last few years and not hiding it, I've met so many people like me that it's really encouraged me. I kind of call them the SAGs -- the straight-acting gays. We're just normal, typical guys. I love to watch football and drink beer.

Lance, being gay is NOT normal -- normal being average or in the majority. Queers are a minority. Being different is permissible in a pluralistic society. And I do not fight for my right to BE gay but ACT something else, whatever the hell that means!

Be yourself, damn it! If that means beer-swilling and football-watching, fine. If that means lipstick-wearing and hip-swaying, then you go, girl. Meanwhile, there's a whole middle ground between macho meathead and queen about town that most of us fall into. But I don't care where on the spectrum anyone is; we should all be allowed to be whoever we are at any given time. That's what freedom is about. That's what self-acceptance is about.

I object to the idea that somehow a nelly queer is wrong or bad or less than your SAGs, Lance. FYI: Nelly queers started the Stonewall riots and the modern gay rights movement that allows you to announce "I'm Gay" on the front cover of People.

Lance is young. He proudly reports that he has a supportive grandmother because she responded to his announcement by saying, "I may not agree with it, but I love you just the same and you're welcome in my house anytime." Well, yes, that's better than shunning him. But I have to wonder just what there is to "agree" with. Alas, I'm being picky; I'm glad Lance's family hasn't disowned him.

I just hope he reaches a point where he doesn't feel a need to define himself in relation to how much he thinks he's acting like the majority.

Vancouver Visit in Review

2006-08-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a great time visiting what we hope will be our future home. Pride was wonderful; you can see some photos on this post from our friends over at Moving to Vancouver. Highlights for us: The "standoff" between the firefighters and the supersoakers, Jack Layton of the NDP, the float with Stephen Harper as W's puppet.

Still not sure how I feel about the Conservative Party participating. On the one hand, would it be worse if they just ignored LGBT folks? On the other, don't they have some nerve to parade with us when they don't support equal rights?

I wasn't thrilled with the American (U.S.) flags present. I see enough of them here, South of the border. I don't need to see the Stars & Stripes when I'm in Canada. I'm sorry, when you're the 800-pound gorilla (no offense to gorillas) in town, announcing your presence is not friendly, it's creepy and boastful. At least, that's my take on it. I wonder what the motive was of the flag-flyers?

I've talked about the fireworks and our long walks about the city and in the park. My other major excursion (Alan mostly excused himself) was perusing HMV, which is like Tower Records. I have a weakness for DVDs. Their prices are kind of high, but they had some great sales going. Problem was, anything I was interested in on sale, I already have. So, I focused on things I can't find in the States. I discovered a series, Slings and Arrows, that looked interesting enough that I gave in to temptation. I bought a few other DVDs and I'll say more about them as I watch them. (Wouldn't want to embarrass myself.)

All in all, a good time. And extra special because we were able to meet and spend time with the guys from Moving to Vancouver. We talked about the possibility of participating in a future Vancouver Pride parade, under a banner that says "Americans by birth. Canadians by choice." (This is the tag line over at L-girl's blog, we move to canada.)

Today, I was browsing on the web looking at apartments. I don't think finding something in our price range will be a problem. The hard part will be finding a place that will take cats. (We have two.) I will do more searching to see if Vancouver has a pet-friendly housing web site, as exists for Seattle.

Six months have gone by fairly fast, but I think I'm getting more antsy with each trip North (to visit our legally-recognized marriage) and news of others' progress. I can't imagine that if you're reading this that you don't know that Nick & Mason have been officially accepted. We submitted our application almost exactly one year after they did. So, maybe this time next year it will be us?

We owe Nick a great debt of gratitude because at one point I was almost ready to call it quits. But he explained the realities of the application process and how to satisfy the CIC, even if we couldn't do exactly what was asked. He has also been incredibly emotionally supportive (one example). Alan and I are so very happy for Nick & Mason and wish them continued success and happiness! Canada is gaining two wonderful new residents!

In Vancouver

2006-08-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

We're up for a long weekend in the city we hope will one day be our home. It's Pride weekend, so that's our excuse, not that we need one. We're excited to get a glimpse of the Vancouver GLBT community -- and we recognize that it will be just that, a glimpse.

We're also looking forward to meeting the guys from the Moving to Vancouver blog. We'll see them tonight and we'll all enjoy the fireworks together.

Alan and I have been exploring. Yesterday, we walked a rectangle around our neighborhood of choice, the West End. The streets certainly are bustling. We like the energy and appreciate the diversity.

Today, we walked about Stanley Park, Vancouver's oasis. It's wonderful and we only saw a small part of it. We don't have data to back this up, but our overall impression is that there are more resources put into common areas in Vancouver than in Seattle.

In both cities, it just amazes us that there are so many people who can afford upscale condos. I mean, yes, we're aware that there are wealthy folks out there, but there seems no end to the number of families who drive the demand for expensive housing in either city.

I don't have much to say at this point, but I really wanted to write a post while in Vancouver. :-)

Another Year Older

2006-08-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

So, while I don't have an exact date, it was the last week of July 2005 when Alan and I began this venture. That is when we first started seriously discussing trying to move to Canada, when I first started doing research, when I first started reaching out by reading blogs and writing their authors. So it's been a year.

About half that year was spent preparing the CIC application and the other half has been in the queue. We've watched while the process for other couples ahead of us has moved forward. I guess that means there's hope for us.

Come to think of it: I have yet to hear of someone rejected. There have been folks who have gone through years of agony jumping through hoops. But I haven't heard of a rejection. I don't know if that means that those rejected keep quiet and don't participate in the groups/blogs I read or if this is all just a horrendous hazing that CIC makes us all go through to prove that we're serious. (Which I guess has some merit.)

This doesn't keep me from worrying. (What, me worry?) I barely slid in at passing score and my work history, while including many impressive experiences, has not been traditional. While I want this to happen, I do try to put myself in a space where I can be OK with whichever outcome.

By the way, I heard from the person with whom I interviewed. She says she's not really too worried about my possible relocation in a year or more. Her concern was more with my expressed hatred of office politics. She said it would be disingenuous to say that the workplace in question was without its tensions, being an executive corporate office. I responded that it wasn't that I couldn't deal with the realities of work life, but I didn't want to deliberately place myself in shark-infested waters and that our conversation had allayed my fears (in regard to some behavior I had observed when I had been assigned there 18 months ago). She wants to talk with me again on the phone; we'll see what happens. In a move that has probably sealed my fate, I think I have decided that I want the job.

In other news, the Supreme Court of Washington State has decided that marriage is for breeding and the state is under no obligation to provide equal status for same-sex couples. I'll let Dan Savage, editor of our local weekly alternative The Stranger, speak for me in this op-ed piece in The New York Times.

The Future of Work

2006-07-31T13:13:00.000-07:00

I was on vacation for a few days and the day I returned I received an email from a woman I had worked with a year and a half ago. (It was a short-term assignment.) She says that there's an opening coming up and they remember me with great respect, etc. and would I be interested? I must say that I am flattered that she would contact me after all this time. I wasn't even aware that she had my email address. Anyway, I'm meeting with her tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon.

After not that much thought, I realize that I must tell her that there may be a big change in my life coming up. I don't think I'll disclose details just yet. My plan is that at some point in the conversation (but not immediately), I will say that I need to tell her that Alan and I are in a process that may involve relocation. If it happens, we strongly believe that it will be no less than one year and that it could be two or three years. Or not at all; it's out of our hands.

She may decide it's not worth it to hire me at this point. I know that one is not supposed to reveal these things at job interviews. But if/when the time comes and I need to leave, it will be pretty obvious that I knew all along and didn't say anything. If for no other reason, I'd like to leave on good terms. I mean, I will need another verification of employment letter for CIC and a current reference from my last employer to a prospective employer will be helpful. Besides, it's just my way. Although I'm still figuring out how to be honest without it burning me in the butt, it's still my nature to think it's the best policy. Don't get me wrong: I don't believe in revealing everything. But this is something that I believe to be relevant to her decision and to not tell her would be tantamount to a lie.

I've had my physical stress responses crop up these past few days (headaches, stomach aches, lethargy, irritability), but not because I'm afraid I won't be offered the job. It's because I'm afraid I will be offered the job. I'm afraid that there will be more reasons to say yes than no. Especially if they offer a good salary and I believe they will. Any additional funds will help with our relocation.

I have commitment issues when it comes to employment. This is not to say that I don't have regular work. It's just that it's more on my terms, assignment by assignment. (Currently I'm on month 15 where I am now.) I enjoy the flexibility. While I don't get the usual benefits (that's what Alan's job is for), there are a lot of corporate fascist rules I get to avoid. And when a place gets to know and love me and can't live without me, I can ask for a schedule that fits my needs. The powers that be get around their rules because I'm not their direct employee. For example, I can announce my (non)availability rather than have to get approval for vacation days. Of course, I don't get paid for those vacation days. It's a give and take.

The larger issue is an emotional one. I have bad employment karma. You have no reason to believe me (not knowing me) but my history is not about being dismissed or being incompetent. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm the one that walks away in frustration at organizational politics and unkept promises. They all want to keep me, but they never seem to want to fix things so that I'll want to stay. Being *at* a place and not *of* a place allows me to keep my distance. I know I can easily walk -- and they know that, too. It's an unstated awareness.

May I take this moment to rant about the state of workers' rights in the United States? Or rather, the lack thereof? I hate Human Resources. (Even the term is unpleasant.) I hate the stupid hoops one has to jump through. I despise, loathe, and detest so-called drug testing. It is an awful policy driven by simplistic answers to complex problems and a lucrative industry of laboratories. Which is to say, Republicans and spineless Democrats (99 out of 100). More and more, what civil rights They can't take away directly, They do so indirectly by making employment impossible without subjecting oneself to the stripping of privacy, dignity, and due process. (You don't suspect that I might feel strongly about this, do you?)

I worked for a progressive non-profit that I had been campaigning to be a part of for at least a year before an offer was made. Within a year they had instituted a new "drug policy" that was the last straw for me. It's funny how you can show people research -- articles, commentary, and statistics, oh my! -- and it doesn't matter. Someone has scared them into thinking that this policy will "protect" them. And this was a progressive organization!

And that's just one of my tales of woe. I'm sure you look forward to future installments. :-)

To relate this to Canada: How does one live in limbo when in process but not knowing when/if it will happen? What is the state of employment law and workers' rights North of my current border? (If anyone has any knowledge or good links, please do share.)

Reactions

2006-06-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

Alan and I were pretty quiet about what we were doing when gathering the information and materials for the CIC application. I didn't even share with some of the people of whom I made requests (for letters and such). This was for two reasons: 1) I didn't want to have to manage people's reactions and answer a lot of questions when I was busy and anxious about completing the application. 2) If we are accepted and do move to Vancouver, it will be in about 2 years maybe; I don't want to have to deal with the "oh, I thought you had left already" comments all the time. Once one makes an announcement like this, people begin to write you off -- and our departure won't be for a while if it happens and it might not happen (if we're not accepted).

Since we have sent in the application and received AOR, we have been a bit more open. I really had expected to get some mildly shocked reactions or even arguments. Nope. Most people said things along the lines of, "makes sense." Some expressed desire to move there too, if they could -- and one really wanted to know more.

The only person who was a bit weirded out was my mother, but she's come around. Her focus is on the marriage issue. She completely accepts us as a married couple and is angry that the government in the U.S. does not recognize us. She believes that we will be better off in Canada.

What she hasn't really gotten over is USA-chauvinism. Don't get me wrong: she despises the current administration in D.C. But she has drunk the cool aid about the U.S.A. is the best of anything and everything. She clings to the past, specifically the "good parts" of the U.S. involvement in WWII (and still holds prejudices about "our enemies").

But, of course, even with WWII, there was a lot of ugliness. And, of course, there has been a lot of history since WWII. We are not even in a post-WWII society anymore; the USA is past that. And while there have been great advances in U.S. society, the U.S. has been moving backwards since 1980. Wealth has once again consolidated. The rate of incarceration in this country has skyrocketed. Those were two examples of domestic issues. Where to start with foreign policy? I can hardly think of anything good since WWII.

Mom, as is stereotypical of USA-ians, brings up healthcare, having been exposed to biased U.S. media on the subject. Very quickly, I shoot back, "oh, yes, because no one in the U.S. ever has problems with their insurance companies ... Can you name one person we know that has not had a fight with their insurance company? Not to mention that the number of uninsured in the U.S. equals or exceeds the entire population of Canada!" That pretty much closed that subject.

But we don't really discuss the differences between Canada and the U.S. anymore.

Envelope from Buffalo

2006-05-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Alan had to work, but we made plans to see X-Men III afterwards. I stopped by our p.o. box along the way to meet him downtown. And there it was: an envelope from Buffalo.

A bit heart-stopping.

No way would I open it without him, but the half-hour walk allowed time for supposition. This is really too early to hear anything, so why now? Too much of a coincidence of the timing with our requests to the State of Louisiana. It probably has something to do with that -- says the rational part of the brain.

But -- what if ... 1) They've looked at our application enough to reject us and decided it doesn't need to go further ... 2) They're working the queue faster because they've started sending applications to other consulates for processing and this is the request for the next step ...

So, I tell myself there are three categories this envelope could belong to: Neutral news, bad news or good news. Chances are it is the first.

Alan and friend wanted to make me wait until after the movie, but I opened the envelope over sweet potato fries (just found a source for this, one of my favorite things) during lunch.

At first I was confused: The contents of the envelope were what I had sent to Louisiana. There were the forms, the letters, the fingerprint cards, the un-cashed money orders -- but no results, nothing saying "no record." They did nothing. But how did this get from Louisiana to Buffalo and back to Seattle?

A more thorough search came up with two over-photocopied letters, one from Louisiana, which was buried, and one from the Canadian Consulate General. The letter from Louisiana was dated November 22, 2005:

We regret to inform you at this time that we are unable to respond to your request for a criminal background check for immigration and/or a work visa purposes. This matter has been referred to our legal advisors for clarification concerning the placement of responsibility according to Louisiana law for provision of this information. This issue should be resolved rapidly [Snort] and hopefully will enable us to respond in the future. Should you require further assistance, please do not hesitate to call ...

Rapidly? The letter was dated six months ago! And remember, this was our second request because they had refused to send it to us directly, but only to the consulate. This time we provided the address in Buffalo and our file number, along with a self-addressed envelope so they wouldn't screw it up. That's how everything got to Buffalo.

The folks in Buffalo opened this, said, "dopey Americans," added a photocopied letter with instructions about how to obtain FBI clearance, and mailed everything back to us.

Of course, we already have our FBI clearances and they're in our file. But I don't think anyone checked.

Other than confirming my feelings about Louisiana (my time there was mostly spent planning my escape), this episode did suggest an interesting piece of information: Buffalo doesn't seem to care about state clearances. That's been an ongoing debate in the Canadian immigration yahoo groups and most of us decide to play it safe and get them anyway. But maybe logic has prevailed and only the FBI clearance is needed, as it does cover all 50 states anyway.

The movie was good, by the way. I recommend it.

Has It Really Been Three Months?

2006-05-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

Wow. I couldn't believe it when I saw the date of my last post: Exactly three months ago.

Well, there's not much to report in our immigration saga. We don't really expect to hear anything again from CIC until about March of 2007. We did re-submit our requests for police clearances from the State of Louisiana, as they would not send them directly to us and we had to wait until we had a file number to send them directly to Buffalo.

We've been thinking about what concrete steps we can take while waiting for the CIC. I'm definitely looking around the apartment with a critical eye, beginning to classify items under one of the following categories: comes with, sell, give away, recycle, shred, trash. I'm hoping to learn eBay; selling stuff achieves two goals: fewer items to pack/schlep and more money for our relocation fund.

Now I realize it's not a done deal and I am somewhat superstitious about tempting fate and all. But I figure getting rid of stuff is always a worthy goal. I always feel so cleansed when I go through one of my purge cycles.

The other side of the story is putting the brakes on acquisition. We think twice about almost every purchase. Do we really need this now? Do we want to take this with us? Any non-consumable needs to be classified into one of the above categories and I'd rather not create more work.

I continue to get to know the place we hope will be our new home by watching CBC, reading books, and browsing online news. I keep up with the blogs (listed at right), even though I don't contribute much in the way of comments. The biggest story is that Nick and Mason (Life Without Borders) are pretty much on their way.

OK, the confession part of the blog. I'm terrible about writing anything. I have ideas in my head and I have the most awful time putting them on paper or screen. I think it may be some type of perfectionism. I really need to get over it. Despite the barren-ness of this blog, I really do have a lot to say -- some of it even articulate ...

I've been promising political rants. Part of the problem is that I don't know where to start. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lunatic because everything seems so crazy to me. I mean, most people seem fine with this reality, so I must be off. Another reason I don't say much is that I can't say things any better than others. There are some incredibly knowledgeable, intelligent, and even witty folks over at the "we move to canada" blog: I can't compete with that. I am so jealous of folks who speak up that have the courage of their convictions AND maintain a sense of humor. I just seem to end up in a righteous blather.

Anyway ... I've been telling folks that wanting to move to Canada is not just about the same-sex marriage issue; we feel that Canada has values closer to ours than does the U.S. And I DO want to expand on that. I guess I just need to dive in somewhere ...

AOR

2006-02-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Dated 17 February 2006, received 21 February 2006 from the Canadian Consulate General in Buffalo, New York:

This is to advise you that your application for permanent residence has been received at the Regional Programme Centre (RPC) and that a file has been created for you. Your file number appears above. Quote this number when corresponding with our office. Your receipt for the processing fees is attached.

The next step: Your file has been placed in a queue awaiting assessment. All applications are assessed according to the date on which they are received within the Federal Skilled Worker category. Once your file has been assessed, you will receive additional information and instructions. At that time, you may also receive medical forms with instructions. For processing times, visit the CIC website ... We cannot respond to requests for the status of your application until it has been assessed.

Interviews: The letter advising you of the results of the assessment of your file will inform you whether or not you will be required to attend an interview. Complete instructions will be given to you at that time.

Dependants [sic]: You must advise us of all your dependants [sic], including children who will not accompany you to Canada or who do not live with you. Failure to do so may prevent your admission to Canada.

Changes to personal information: It is imperative that you inform the Buffalo office of any change in your mailing address, family composition (i.e. marital status, birth of a child, or death of a family member). Note: Do not use the CIC e-Cas on-line Change of address system. Your new address will not be downloaded to your file in Buffalo. Personal data (spelling of name, date of birth, nationality) in our database is taken directly from the information in your passport. Any requested change to this information must therefore be accompanied by a copy of an amended passport.

Contacting our office: If you need to communicate new information, you may use the Change in Personal Information form on the reverse. We do not confirm receipt of correspondence. Please fax or mail information one time only.

As stated, the receipt for fees is stapled to the form letter. My name and address are on a label affixed to the top left of the form. Another label on the top right of the form has our file number and bar code. The date is hand-written. For something so important, it's rather unimpressive. (That's not a complaint, just an observation.)

Also included in the envelope are our birth certificates. They are certified copies, but they look very formal and valuable; I guess they just made photocopies. I know it says only submit copies, but then there are exceptions (the police clearances, the university transcripts), so I decided to play it safe. It gets confusing because what is a copy and what is an original? Anyway, just being defensive because we DID read the directions (including signing forms with no place for signatures), but doubted ourselves. I guess no harm done.

Woo Hoo!

Shuffled Off to Buffalo

2006-02-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

The application went Express Mail to Buffalo yesterday, due to arrive by Noon today!

Around 150 pages, six months of work, at least two times I thought all hope was lost, occasional sleepless nights, agita .... It's a relief to reach this point.

Next, we hope for our Acknowledgement of Receipt (AOR) and not the return of our application. We're guessing one to three months, although I do see that for some folks it's more than that.

Btw, we received our marriage certificate from British Columbia on Tuesday. So that was about two weeks; I've heard horror stories about months, even years, but those were from other provinces.

I can't write a lot now, but I wanted to share this news. A big, big "Thank you" to folks for their help and support -- especially Nick!

Hitched, Canadian-style

2006-01-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

Mission accomplished: Alan and I are recognized as a married couple under the law in British Columbia/Canada.

Wondering what to do after the deed, I suggested that we go about filling out any form we could find so that we could check the "married" box.

But, seriously, I don't feel "more married." It was a little disconcerting to feel like we needed to scramble to get this legal recognition. I am thankful that at least it's possible, and in my lifetime. I still think it's a ridiculous issue and can't understand why anyone cares, except the couples who want the recognition. Also, having the recognition North of our current border makes me want our move to go faster.

Well, I'm watching the election results. Conservative minority. Not the end of the world and perhaps for the best. It's not good to have a sizable portion of the population feel completely alienated from the government, so now's their turn. And, as I've written, the Liberals need to clean up their party and it will only happen having been voted out of power. Maybe a minority government is always good, no matter what the party. The U.S. is very winner-take-all and increasingly divided. It's good when parties have to acknowledge the existence of other parties. (Reference Mr. "I earned politial capital and I intend to spend it." -- even though he barely "won.")

I can't wait to get the CIC application submitted ...

Goin' to the Marriage Commissioner & Gonna Get Married ...

2006-01-18T16:59:00.000-08:00

Just doesn't have the same ring to it as the song ...

OK, so if you've read any of this blog, you know that we (well, especially me) are the nervous type. We're concerned about the federal election and what might happen for the rights of same-sex couples. So, while we know we can, we're running up to Vancouver this coming weekend, getting our marriage license and having our marriage recognized by a governmental body for the first time. If we weren't planning on relocating North, we would not be doing this, as it extends us no further protections or benefits on our current side of the border. But we do want to make sure, as far as is possible, that we will be recognized as married should we admitted as Permanent Residents in Canada in the coming years.

As for the application saga: Well, I had set a deadline for myself of December 31 and when it fell apart, I did, too. I did, however, pull myself back together. I finally managed to get a letter from my employer to at least admit that I am employed and for how long. (I think my pathetic-ness got to the woman at the local office and she broke.) And I'm working on obtaining two supplemental letters to go with that one from folks who can actually speak to the work that I do. That, I hope, will serve.

I hope to hear from the Costa Rican Consulate any day now. Now that we're in January anyway, I might as well try to get that in as well. I've printed out all the pieces of the filled-in application and all our supplemental sheets and explanatory notes. It's about a quarter-inch thick -- and that's without the documents such as birth certificates and college transcripts. Alan and I need to take a morning (perhaps with the energy and courage gotten from a veinte latte) and read through everything thoroughly.

So ... we're close, ever so close ...

But back to the elections. I really do understand the context. The Liberals (large "L") have gotten fat and happy (corrupt and smug) and probably the only thing they will understand -- to make them clean up their act -- is to be voted out. A close election that they almost lose won't be good enough. If that happens, they'll make noises for a while that seem productive, but ultimately it will go back to same ol', same ol'. Anyway, that's my perspective and I will admit to not being the best informed. I just wish that the alternative wasn't the Conservatives and that the Conservatives could resist the urge to beat up on a minority to appease the mob.

If I were allowed to vote (and I know that even being a PR will not allow that), I would be in a quandary: vote my conscience -- NDP -- or vote strategically for the Liberals. I have done both at different times. Here, though, the results never seem to matter anyway.

I do have faith in Canadians; I really don't think they will stand by and let their country become a place where W would be comfortable. How about an exchange program? Alan and I will gladly trade places with a Canadian right-wing religious couple who want to live in a budding theocracy. We choose freedom and equality.

At some point in the future, same-sex marriage won't be an issue any more -- on either side of the border. It will just be a fact. But will we be alive at that time? In the meantime, Alan and I are playing it safe and getting the official piece of paper to bring home with us. I hope it will be followed by our pieces of paper going in the other direction ...

I'm in bureaucratic hell and afraid I'm failing

2005-12-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

I feel obligated to start with the preamble that I know there are extremely serious problems in the world. While I struggle with my bullshit, there are people who are being tortured, who are starving, who live in extremely oppressive countries. Come the "worst" for me, I am "stuck" living in one of the wealthiest and freest societies in the history of humanity. I am very well aware of my luck -- and to me, it is that, luck, as I did nothing to deserve the gifts I was born into, just as the poor and oppressed did nothing to deserve their fate. I am getting into the realm of philosophy here and that is for another blog ...

So, here's my pathetic whining, the reason for my tears of frustration, my churning stomach, my aching head:

1. I finally received the clearance letter from the Costa Rican government. They spelled my name wrong and they put "no date of birth" in the space where it is required because the consulate did not provide it (although, of course, I did -- in several places). I could scream. I will submit what I have with my PR application to CIC while I request another letter from Costa Rica. I figure that if the CIC returns the application, I will have the new letter to include when I send it back. If the CIC accepts the application and sends the letter with my file number, I will send the new clearance letter and ask that it be added to my file, referencing the number.

2. Yesterday, after waiting for months for a promised letter from my current supervisor, I wrote a letter myself and asked that she sign it. I sent it via email last night and then visited the office today. (I rarely see supervisors, as I work at assignments at other locations.) SHE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE. And the current person says that it is against corporate policy to write letters. They use a third-party processor, called "The Work Number" to verify employment and it will only provide the barest of information. I've had experience with these "Work Number" people before, as another (previous) employer uses them as well. They won't issue a letter to me and if they hear that it's for anything having to do with immigration, they'll stop talking to you. I ended up calling number after number at the corporate offices of the employer, until I finally emailed someone who was mentioned on an outgoing voice mail, explained my journey thus far, and begged him to have pity. I got a three-sentence letter; at least it's something.

I believe that with persistence and time, I can get something from this employer, too. But I am concerned because it is my current employer. I feel that this will hurt our application because I don't think that the CIC is just looking to see that one is employed, but that one is highly employable. I've written a ton of material about my skills and what I've accomplished -- but is the CIC willing to take my word for it with hardly any back-up from a third party? Somehow, I doubt it.

Meanwhile, the documents we've been collecting over the past five months are aging.

I'm not in much of a rational mood right now, but better than I was a few hours ago. I am trying to think of some creative solutions, like submitting letters from people I've actually worked with (who are not my employers) along with whatever "official" letter I can get. I mean, it makes sense to me, but I don't know the mind of someone who evaluates applications at CIC. Are they strictly "by the book" and have no room for circumstances?

Have I just been wasting my time (and money) all along? Should we cut our losses now before we pay the hefty application fees? I feel like I need to see it through, so that I am not defeating us. But it will be crushing if we get rejected. Really crushing. Perhaps it was hubris to think I could make this happen anyway.

On "Marriage"

2005-12-20T17:02:00.000-08:00

Hi, folks,

As you know, I'm new to this blogging thing and have yet to figure out some of the protocols. There was a comment with a question and I want to respond, but am afraid that it might not be found in the comments section alone. Thus, I am making it a post of its own. If this is a faux pas, forgive me.

"1beb" said (in part, see comments for full text):

It forces me to wonder what LGBT's are really fighting for. Acceptance? Or the rights given to someone in a marriage. Seriously, who cares if they call it a civil union so long as you and your partner are afforded the same rights as breeders.

My response:

Hi, 1beb,

Thanks for your comments.

I have to say that I am not familiar enough with Canadian law to answer your question about Canada. I can, however, express my concerns about the distinction between "civil union" and "marriage" in the United States.

There are many, many laws and policies that mention married couples, husbands & wives, or spouses (at the federal level, I believe it is over 1000 and when I get a chance to research it, I can get a better number). It would be next to impossible -- and highly improbable -- that all of those could/would be amended to include civil union partners. As far as I know, there is no magic bullet that can provide equality in all but name, except to call it the same thing.

My other issue is one of separation of church and state. If "marriage" is a religious word, the government has no business using it. My preferred solution, actually, is not for the government to acknowledge same-sex marriages, but rather to call the legal status for all couples "civil unions" and then let the religious institutions decide what they want to call "marriages."

In other areas, there is this separation. When a child is born, the child needs a birth certificate from the government. The family may choose to have a religious ceremony and that may be extremely important to them. But the two are separate. Being baptized (for example) does not give one status with the civil government and no one expects it to. In the same way, upon death, a death certificate is needed for legal reasons and it is separate from any religious ceremony that takes place.

It is not the government's job to "bless" anyone. But if they give a status that includes rights, privileges, and responsibilities, it must be available to all.

I do not expect, nor would I want, a church (or other religious body) to be forced to perform a marriage ceremony for any couple it did not want to. Indeed, they can and do refuse couples now: Roman Catholics (officially) do not recognize divorce and remarriage. The Southern Baptist Convention says that in a proper marriage, a wife should submit to her husband. Many religious bodies would never recognize the marriage of two people who do not share the same faith (and, perhaps, not of the same "race," as was true in the past). That is their beliefs and they are entitled to them. They can, along with their members, decide what is a blessed and holy state for couples. But the government should not base its rules on particular religious beliefs. There are religious bodies that will recognize same-sex marriages now, although it is not widespread. The government is not supposed to take sides in religious questions.

To summarize: The word "marriage" is a problem. If the government insists on using it as a legal term, it must do so with equality. Otherwise, we need a new word for all couples to use in the legal sense and give "marriage" back to religion.

Stephen Harper made me cry ... twice

2005-12-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

Because I've been in the thick of the application process, I haven't really blogged much on my thoughts and feelings in terms of motivations for this undertaking. I can get quite worked up and I will post my manifesto at some point when I can spare the energy. But I did want to share these episodes because they're somewhat timely.

On the first day of campaigning for the federal elections in Canada, the leader of the Conservative Party, Stephen Harper, declared that he would call for a free vote in Parliament in reference to same-sex marriage. Now, when he talks about it, he makes it seem that it is all about freedom of conscience and allowing MPs to vote what they really feel, rather than reigning them in, as apparently was done. And, he insists that what he wants is a vote -- almost that he doesn't feel one way or the other. Well, who can argue with that?

It sounds so rational, so democratic. But we're talking about people's lives and the equal rights of a very small minority. In a constitutional democracy (or republic, or monarchy, etc.), society is one of laws based on ideas (or ideals) set forth. One doesn't vote on everything: that's mob rule. People often confuse the two: democracy and mob rule. We also often forget that the rights of minorities are our rights because one day each of us may be on the other side of the mob. And, of course, I have yet to hear an argument about same-sex marriage that rationally explains how two people of the same sex having their marriage recognized harms any other marriage. (Key word: rationally)

Anyway, back to the crying. I was so disappointed; this is so "American." Why revisit this? Gays (LGBT, queers ...) certainly are bruised in the U.S. from being a political football, used to work people up over an emotional -- but really very small and largely inconsequential to most folks -- issue to get votes. It's hard to describe the feeling of being used in this manner. It's bullying writ large and I know a lot about being bullied ... but that's another story. So, in tears of frustration and flashbacks to near past and far past, I decried, "Why can't they just leave us alone?!" When can we just be people and not an issue?

And, maybe it was all for the best. I've taken to idolizing all things Canadian, and I really must stop it. There are asswipes everywhere and Canada will have its share, even in laid-back Vancouver.

OK, so that was the first time Stephen Harper made me cry and I guess that was about a month ago or so. The second time was last (Friday) night (or was it the night before?). I feel lucky that we get the CBC where we are, so I get to fantasize that I'm already there. But, seriously, I am learning a whole lot; let's face it, Americans know next to nothing about Canada except maybe hockey, "eh," and beer.

I tuned in and just missed the English debates of the party leaders, which I had wanted to see. But they did run some highlights on the news. (Canada Now?) Of course, one of the first questions to Mr. Harper was about same-sex marriage. And he repeated his very rational-sounding explanation. But I heard more this time: He made it clear that he was in favor of equal benefits/rights for "equivalent couples" to marriage, but he upheld the "traditional definition of 'marriage' as between one man and one woman." Well, this blew me away! And yes, my eyes welled up. Why?

THAT WAS KERRY'S STAND IN THE U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! The Democrat! So, get this: the "Conservative" stance in Canada is that of the Democrats in the U.S. Maybe Stephen Harper is the "compassionate conservative" W always claimed to be? Well, the Republicans here are in thrall to the theocrats, so I don't expect compassion any time soon. Don't get me wrong: I don't agree with this "separate but equal" stance and it pissed me off about Kerry. But when the conservatives in the U.S. not only want to bar the government from recognizing our marriage, but also want to invalidate any protections under the law we've made for ourselves (powers of attorney, wills, directives, etc. - at great personal cost, btw), and, by contrast, the Conservative Party in Canada cedes that all couples should have the same rights and protections, it is cause for tears of wonder. At least for me.

Oh, Canada!

Quick Follow-up to Yesterday's Post

2005-12-02T23:13:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was reading "What Canadians Think ... about almost everything" in bed prior to lights out, I tried to find the source of the statistic I mentioned in yesterday's post -- and couldn't. I looked and looked and the book doesn't have an index (librarians shake their fists). But I read it somewhere; I really don't just make stuff up out of thin air. At the same time, I'm not satisfied until I can provide proper citation, so I've deleted the item from the post until I can do so.

I made a bunch of phone calls and web visits today trying to find a service to officially translate (provide a certified translation of) the police clearance letter from Costa Rica once I receive it. (It's like getting a document notarized; only certain people can do it.) At first it seemed that there were loads of options, but it wasn't true. I'm too tired to write the whole story. The first legitimate place quoted me $250.00!! I've decided to work with a woman who runs her own business in translating materials and quoted me $50.00. (Funny how that seems reasonable in comparison.) She knew what I was talking about without my having to explain, seemed ingelligent and competent. She can't start work on it until December 12, but I still have work to do myself on the application, so why not? At least it will get done.

Forgot to mention yesterday that we did check out the job situation while we were in Vancouver. There seem to be a lot of jobs, but on the low end of the scale. I visited the Vancouver branch office of a temporary services agency that I have had luck with here in Seattle and am thinking this will be a good starting place. They can access my records now because I'm in the computer system already, so she told me to come see them as soon as I had my SIN card or am close to it.

Temping has a poor rep, but I think it's a great way to get started in a new city. One has access to businesses and workplaces that would otherwise be inaccessible. I get to learn about the job market, what my skills are worth, what different "corporate cultures" are like, etc. Plus I meet new people and that's good socially and vocationally -- a great way to get local experience and pick up local references. Alan and I both temped when we first moved to Seattle and it worked out very well for us.

I feel that I have been neglecting family and friends (including newly made ones on the 'net through this process) for the past several weeks. Ack! I will feel better and back in the world again when I get this application on its way to Buffalo!

To those who have taken the time to write comments (and anyone else who may be reading this): thank you for your support!

Reconnaissance in Vancouver & other news

2005-12-01T20:57:00.000-08:00

I hardly feel like I can write, there's so much on my mind. I hope this is coherent.

Alan and I took a four-day trip up to Vancouver. We've been saying that we need to make a few trips during the process to learn as much as we can about what we hope will be our new home city some day. Alan had "use 'em or lose 'em" vacation days, so this was the perfect excuse. We took the train, which we've done before. It's really beautiful because it goes along the coast, sometimes amazingly so -- at time it feels like the train is on tracks on the last edge of land possible along the water. Much nicer than interstates and besides, we don't have a car and neither of us is comfortable driving anyway. (nervous nellies) And the train is much more comfortable than flying; there's plenty of room and you can get up and move around easily. Am I turning into an Amtrak commercial? (I am pro-rail, btw, and it really bothers me that when folks talk about subsidies to Amtrak they forget the deal that was brokered decades ago. What is it about Americans and memory? And keeping to agreements? Lumber anyone? I'll let much better qualified folks rant about that.)

Wow, digression central.

Vancouver is way cool, but we knew that already. Love the sky train (fast and frequent). Despite what we've heard about Toronto's transit system from the "we move to canada" blog, we didn't realize honor-system payment was the norm for all of Canada. Dopey us, we wandered about our destination station, looking for the turnstile to put our ticket through so we could leave without sounding alarms. Finally, a native had pity on us and said, "you look like you're looking for something." So, we told her and I think she was amused, but not in a condescending way. "No. We have freedom here. Just leave the station; you've paid your fare."

Gosh, I can't stick to a point. Bottom line learning: our cost of living will go up and our income will go down. That's the reality, at least for our first 2-5 years probably.

Visiting Safeway (omg, my card works in Canada!), it was deja vu all over again to when I had nearly blacked in response to the prices on my first shopping visit to a supermarket in Hawaii (where I lived for some years). Yikes! But I did notice that sale prices were much the same as our sale prices. [And I've mastered the art of sales and coupons, much to Alan's amusement (and appreciation); he knows he must stop for a recitation upon my return home from shopping of each item I bought on sale AND had a coupon for.] Restaurants are more expensive North of the border, so we'll be having less of that. So, in general, we'll need to roll back to a few years ago when we had to economize to get ourselves out of debt.

And we still want to go. Hard to say no to a more enlightened society that, for example, spends money on healthcare and not war-mongering, a more livable city that doesn't worship the car with a stripe of highway through its center, and a government that recognizes our marriage. (Although I understand that if the Conservatives win the election, they have promised to re-visit the issue. Should we be concerned?)

We've picked out a neighborhood (West End, sorry if it's a cliche') and even an intersection we'd like to be near. See, we've done the city relocation thing before and we know the incredibly banal stuff that turns out to be important (to us, at least): proximity to a full-size supermarket, public transit, and laundry facilities. Yes, nice eateries and artsy stuff is great -- but in every day living, we have found that certain things need to be real close or it's a drag. Walking and busing to the finer things in life is not as big a deal. But have you hauled groceries/laundry for blocks or boarded a bus with a load that doubles your weight? Not pleasant and it gets old real fast.

We had fun exploring the city, although most of it was all the "downtown" neighborhoods (not crossing water). We walked our little legs off and even ventured via bus to Granville Island (but missed the plays we wanted to see) and skytrain to Commercial Ave (these were the exceptions to the "downtown" neighborhoods). As we felt our way around, we would "translate": "That's like our Cap Hill." "Yaletown is Belltown." "London Drugs = Bartell's." Etc. I hope current residents will not take offense. (offence?) It's our way of putting things in context, but it's not like we intend -- or want -- for everything to be the same, like the stereotypical tourists that travel to distant foreign lands and then only do things exactly the same as at home. We've visited Vancouver before and appreciate the city for itself and we're excited at the prospect of being a part of this vibrant, multi-cultural city. But this visit was with "making this home" glasses on. I'm sure that once settled, we'll start having random new exciting discoveries and occasional bouts of culture shock.

Unfortunately, this trip, we did not have time enough to explore the natural beauty very much. But Stanley Park, the seawall, and beaches beckon. And we'll be a little happier doing it when we're not damp anyway. It was pretty wet most of the time we were in Vancouver, but we're from Seattle, so we're not as freaked out as a newly-transplanted Californian. There was one bright, crisp day and it was glorious.

We stocked up on books, magazines, and newspapers -- ones we could only find there. I have plenty to read. I'll try to list some book titles on the right side of the blog home page. Right now, I'm nibbling "What Canadians Think ... about almost everything." Very interesting. Forgive me for sharing a self-centered factoid: [deleted until I can find proper citation, see next post].

So where are we with our application? I'm killing my current employer with kindness -- I brought her flowers on the day before (U.S.) Thanksgiving Day -- to get her to write the letter I need. Who would have thought that this would be the last item I would be waiting for; you would think it would be the first received.

I talked to the Costa Rican Consulate and she said she received my clearance letter on Monday and would mail it Tuesday or Wednesday. I should receive it any day now and then I have to get it "officially" translated, which I'm researching how to do.

I've cut back on my (paid) work hours so that I can really devote more time and attention to getting this baby done and on its way. If it's not sent by December 31, I will be a basket case. Wish me luck (and focus).

Thanks!

Some Progress, FBI Responses Received!

2005-10-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

After coming back from vacation, we were somewhat disappointed to find no new materials in the mail pile. We obviously need to make a push to bring the remaining pieces in.

The first weekend after vacation, Alan and I sat down to review the entire application from start to finish and make notes on where we are. It's an interesting experience to assimilate all the information: there's what's specific on the application and there's what one hears via "the grapevine." What is truly wonderful is the generosity of those fellow netizens who are willing to share their experiences and empathy. It would be very difficult to get through this without the likes of Lgirl and Nick & Mason.

Anyway -- the big news is that the FBI clearances arrived on Monday a week ago! This is about eight weeks after we mailed the requests and about three weeks earlier than expected. What's funny is how unimpressive they are. There is a 7 x 5 inch multi-generation xerox stapled to the each of the fingerprint cards we submitted; the cards are stamped about three times with different dates with the critical one on the back: "no records found." That's what it comes down to. No eloquent letters, no seal of approval, nothing suitable for framing. But, hey, we're officially not criminals.

Throughout this process, we've realized that we have to feel comfortable with the completed application that we will sign and submit. With the required employment letters we have decided to submit letters that cover our 8 years in Seattle; further in the past is not possible for a variety of reasons (now including Katrina) and instead we'll provide detailed information and an explanation. To that end, we've managed to contact all parties about two months ago and secure promises from them. But some folks require more nudging on the follow-through than others.

I finally managed to wrangle one outstanding letter (received Saturday) and now I'm left wanting only one more -- ironically from my current employer! Linn has one he's working on, too.

I still haven't heard from one of the states for the clearance letter, so I called and found out that they had mailed the letter but it was returned back to them as "undeliverable." Odd, because they have the correct address and I've never had a problem before. In any case, they're going to send it again and we'll cross our fingers.

One funny discovery is the clearances from the states may be unnecessary. When reading the application, it only mentions countries where you have lived -- except once where it says "country/province/state" or some such. But still, they're slashes, not commas. Maybe we only need the FBI clearance after all. It's hard to say because even our Canadian sources are not clear. But at this point we've already made the investment, so it can't hurt. Maybe we'll get extra credit or an "A" for effort.

There's no doubt that I will need the clearance letter from Costa Rica where I taught English after college. I again called the closest consulate (which is in Fremont, California) to ask what I more I can do. The representative there is a volunteer and it's an honorary title. Anything she does is out of the goodness of her heart and the desire to serve her country. She has been trying very hard, but this is a new situation for her. The typical request she sees is a fellow citizen wanting a clearance letter for U.S. immigration purposes. A U.S. citizen, who was once a temporary resident of Costa Rica, wanting a clearance letter for purposes of Canadian immigration is a new one. At least she's heard something back from her government. They want a "certified" letter from me and payment of a fee for the official government stamp. I mailed what she requested on Saturday. More crossing of fingers.

In the meantime, we have some work at home still to do. I need to work on our associations list: every organization we've ever been a member of, affiliated with, or supported. Yikes! Well, one thing is for sure: it will be clear that we're gay lefties.

And there's some tidying up, formatting, etc -- deciding on the final presentation of the materials we're going to submit.

I will be so relieved when the application is complete, we mail it off, and get the CIC letter back. At least at that point, we're off the hook and we just wait. I'm sure the waiting can be excruciating at times, but at least there's nothing more to do.

Has anyone read all of this and remained awake?

slooooow time

2005-09-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

One more state police clearance arrived over the past weekend; one more to go.

I talked to the Costa Rican Consulate last week and she seemed to be working hard to do this for me. She asked me to call this week and I will try tomorrow.

It's been four and a half weeks since we sent all the requests; we expect it will take another seven weeks or so to hear from the FBI.

In the meantime, I've spent many hours organizing my rather byzantine work history into a chart. I feel like if we're going to be rejected it will be because I don't have a career path like what we see on TV. What I'm hoping is that they will really look at us together as a couple. Alan has the solid work history, where job duration is measured in years, not months. I have the formal education. Together, we make a very solid candidate. :-)

We collected some letters from former employers, but some folks that promised us have not come through. We must now send gentle reminders and cajole folks to do something they are under no obligation to do (other than that they have already promised).

This is not an easy process. We can't wait until we send our complete application to the CIC and then receive our letter telling us we have a file number and a place in the queue to be reviewed. Then we can just put it out of our minds (lest we go crazy), having nothing more to do until we hear back from them.

One interesting question that is coming up: The Supreme Court of the State of Washington (where we live) will be announcing a decision about same-sex marriage within the next couple of months. Should they rule in our favor, how does this affect our application and status? If we obtain a marriage license and the state finally recognizes our ten-year-old marriage, will it make us stronger or weaker candidates -- or no difference? Will it complicate things?

I've been telling Alan the past couple of weekends that we need to sit down and systematically go over all pages and parts of the application. I've never read it completely from start to finish. We need to be sure that we're on top of things. One thing I want to specifically look for is if we need "proof" of our relationship and if so, what kind of proof. I think I can pull out apartment leases from the past several years and some bank statements. I have photos from our ceremony. Anyway ... I need to look into that.

This weekend we will be embarking on our big tenth anniversary special vacation trip: five nights in D.C. (ironic, yes?) and three nights in Vegas (jacuzzi suite at the Luxor -- whoo hoo). It should be a lot of fun.

When we get back, I hope we have renewed energy to push through the rest of getting the application together.

over the weekend

2005-09-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

We finally heard from Alan's parents! They were in Mississippi and were safe with no major damage to the house and no flooding. But also no electricity or water. It took them 2 - 3 days to clear out the roads of trees so they could get out. (The house is in a very rural area.) They're staying in Baton Rouge with friends for now.

We received more school transcripts, which should be all of them now. Also one more state's police clearance. So, two more states and the FBI to go.

The whole New Orleans situation has sapped my energy for a bit, so I haven't been thinking too much about our possible Big Move lately. But we're going to take some time this coming weekend to sit down and go through the application line by line to see what we still need to work on.

My mom and a friend (from New Orleans who is relocating to Chicago for now) both asked about "the wedding" if/when Alan and I land in Canada. My righteous ire gets raised, even though I know they mean well. We ARE married; it's the state that doesn't recognize it.

Tonight while watching the end of season two of "Six Feet Under" on DVD (we're a bit behind -- do NOT tell us what happens!), I shared an idea with Alan that he said that he had, too. We won't have a wedding, but a renewal of vows. People are off the hook for "required attendance," but it does give us the opportunity to celebrate with friends. If all this does work out, it will be a change of status; in fact, one of the primary motives for making the Big Move to begin with.

Alan insists we choose one of our existing anniversaries (we have two that we observe) to have this shindig, as he doesn't want to have to remember a third!

In any case, we have miles to go before that and a lot of it is out of our hands ... one step at a time ...

received in the mail yesterday

2005-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

another state's police clearance letter

btw, we still haven't heard from Alan's parents; will be greatly relieved when we do, although we do think they're OK.

our friends and family in New Orleans (digression)

2005-08-31T20:12:00.000-07:00

I know this is a digression from the main topic of this blog, but I'd like to share what we know of our friends and family in the New Orleans area:

One of our close friends evacuated before the storm hit. She is safely in Arkansas. She does not have access to a computer, but was able to reach a friend in New York who sent email messages to all her friends.

Our married couple friends who live across the river from New Orleans are OK. Their house had just some minor damage and no flooding. They have no electricity and no water. We were able to reach them by phone! When they run out of water they have stored (such as in the bathtub), they are not sure what they will do. There is widespread looting and the male half of the couple is helping to keep the peace. The female half of the couple has a mother who has not been in good health and was in the hospital in New Orleans. Her mother is being evacuated to a hospital in Texas. She has not been able to find out any information specifically about her mother’s condition or even know exactly which hospital in Texas she is in.

Another friend of ours is a nurse. He has an apartment in one of the neighborhoods close to, but not in the French Quarter. He has been at the hospital where he works for days now. It is the one hospital that is semi-operational. They are on emergency power, but are running out of fuel. Staff have been living at the hospital. No air conditioning; can’t afford to spend energy on that. He did get a treat: a shower after three days. We heard from him via email. He suspects that his apartment building is wrecked and that there will be nothing to come home to.

We talked to Alan’s parents on the eve of the storm. They have a home across the unspellable lake (Ponchartrain?) from New Orleans. (Last I saw in the newspaper, that town is under five feet of water. But their home is raised up quite a bit, so we’re hoping it escaped flooding.) They decided to take refuge at their “retirement” home in Mississippi – it’s not on the coast. The house is on the highest spot for miles and is in a natural clearing. They felt they would be safer there. We have been trying repeatedly to reach them all day and night at any phone number we have with no success. We believe they are fine, but we do not know if the house has any damage, or if they have electricity or water. We will keep trying to reach them – and we imagine they will contact us when they can.

It is just surreal. We can’t imagine what we would have done if we had still lived there. Let’s all be thankful for shelter, clean running water, electricity, fresh food …

Peace

another piece arrives

2005-08-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

In today's mail: our clearances from the State of Washington. Nice, clean letters (notarized) that state they have searched and we have no records. Would that it be that simple for every state ...

First State Police Clearance arrives

2005-08-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

In the mail yesterday, two items related to our application.

The first is an employer letter which doesn't quite have everything required, but considering what I went through to get it (I got passed around a lot over the phone, left a lot of voice mail), I guess I'm lucky to have anything.

The other envelope is from the State of Louisiana. Woo-hoo, our first state clearance. Boo-hoo, no. They returned everything back to us, saying that they will not deal with us, only an embassy or consulate. This was unexpected.

Argghhh ... what to do?

After being pissy for a bit, I come up with what we think is a brilliant plan. I'll go to our local Canadian consulate, tell them the story, and ask if I can have the clearance delivered there so that I can pick it up and include it with our application to Buffalo.

Well, I went during my lunch hour today and it's a no-go. They won't accept anything there unless we have a file there. And we don't have a file yet in Buffalo (apparently one's file number is very important), so we can't send it there. The nice woman at the desk said to include a letter of explanation with our application and when we get a file number to apply for the clearance and have it sent to Buffalo.

It sounds like this is no big deal to them and that they're used to it. I guess it will work, but I'm sure it will slow down the process for us. :-(

Out of respect for the current crisis, I will refrain from saying anything bad about Louisiana.

btw, we've heard from all our friends from New Orleans and they're all OK -- although some don't know what they will come home to. We talked to Alan's parents just before the storm and they were going to wait it out at their home in Mississippi (not the coast); we've yet to contact them again. We will try again tonight.

Who are we?

2005-08-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, this could be a lengthy and philosophical answer to that question ... that could serve as a sleep aid as well.

Alan and I (Daniel) have been together 10 years.

I'm an East Coast boy (I always like to mention that I was born in Manhattan) who has bounced around a bit in my adult years. Alan was born in Texas, but spent most of his life in Louisiana. We first met as I was passing through New Orleans about thirteen years ago. We didn't stay in contact, but I found myself passing through again three years later. This time, we hooked up and kept in touch. Life was in a state of flux for me at that point, so I arranged for a job and moved. We pretended to keep separate apartments for a year or so, but then took the plunge and signed a lease together. (I say "pretended" because I think we maybe spent five nights apart in that time. Sheesh, think of the rent we could have saved ...) Anyway, we've been together ever since.

While Alan and I quickly and easily fell into love and a life together*, the South and I were a different matter. Let's just say we didn't get along. There is a list, but what brought me over the edge was violent crime. After a particularly brutal multi-murder not far from where we lived, I bought an atlas and asked Alan, "So, where shall we move to?"

[*Lest you think our love lives were fairy tales (ha!), I want to point out that we both have survived our share of hard knocks and broken hearts.]

We decided on Seattle because of its mild climate both in weather and politics and because, at the time, it was going through an economic boom. You could pick jobs off trees; it was unbelievable. Mind you, we had never actually been to Seattle, nor could we afford to visit. So we arrived sight unseen with no jobs and no place to live. Sounds crazy, no? (I will resist the urge to launch into a medley of "Fiddler on the Roof" songs.)

Eight years later and we've survived the dot-com bust and the Boeing departure.

If we weren't gay, we'd possibly be the most boring people on earth. At least being gay makes us part of a semi-rare 3-5% of the population. We are urban folk and committed indoorsmen. We live simply (by U.S. standards) with our computers being the most expensive items we own. No house (this is Seattle, who could afford it?) and no car. I mostly walk everywhere and Alan takes the bus and walks.

I guess if we had an ethic it would be to make as small a footprint as possible and "first, do no harm." We believe there is a point when one has "enough" in the way of material goods and it doesn't take that much to satisfy us (in U.S. terms). If we dream of winning the lottery, it's not so much for the stuff it could buy, but for the freedom it would allow. I imagine we're not alone in that.

We are, in some ways, classic underachievers. We probably do not live up to our potential. I'm still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up and would like to one day find engaging employment. We both have marketable skills and work, but are not excited by what we do. We get through the days and try to enjoy our evenings and weekends.

It seems to me that there are the principles the U.S. was founded on (if not always followed) on the one hand and the accumulation of wealth/power that is the American Dream on the other. We are thoroughly American in the belief of the pursuit of the former (life, liberty, and happiness), we don't really buy into the latter. And while we are far, far from being worldly, we are aware that there are, say, other people on the planet and just maybe they count, too.

This is an intro to a political rant ... but I'll save that for another time.

I would just like to add that we are not sanctimonious prudes who take delight in judging others on political correctness. Judge not lest ye be judged. We don't like being judged; we try to give others the benefit of the doubt as well. We are all hypocrites. And nobody's hands are spotless. (Didn't someone else say that a while back?)

Peace.

Catching Up: Our Journey Thus Far

2005-08-27T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when the thought of relocating North first entered our minds. We've visited Victoria and Vancouver and we've really liked those cities. (Except for the border fascists -- American or Canadian, immigration or customs, where do they find these people?) Actually, I was jealous of Vancouver and thinking it was a lot like what Seattle could be. (Now at least Seattle has its own flashy library.)

Two years ago, the July 4th issue of our local alternative newspaper, The Stranger, devoted a whole section to why Canada was the new Land of the Free. Maybe that's when I started including "I swear, if they would let us, we'd move to Canada" in my various sporadic rants about the state of the nation.

In any case, last month I was in a foul mood for days after watching the documentary Tying the Knot. Once again, there were rants that mentioned Canada. So Alan says to me, "Well, can we? Have you ever really looked into it?" Well, sort of. And that "sort of" left me with the impression that we would have to be one or more of the following: 1. fabulously wealthy, 2. incredibly talented at some unusual profession or trade, or 3. willing to live out in the boonies. We clearly were "none of the above."

But with the husband's goading, I visited the official Canadian immigration web site. There I learned about the point system for the "skilled worker" class of applicants for permanent residency in Canada. Maximum 100, "passing" is 67 (used to be 75) -- I squeaked by with 67, although maybe it's 72. (I'm confused by the terms they use for education.) I knew that degree was good for something! OMG, this just might be possible ...

The wheels start turning and I start reading and researching ... and possibly obsessing ... a bit ...

I ordered a few books, including my first purchase from amazon.ca. I started looking for blogs and found the three I mentioned in the previous post. (When I can figure out how, I want to list them in the right column.) I learn what we need just to complete the application: a list of every address since the 18th birthday, account for every month since the 18th birthday in terms of jobs/schools/etc., police clearances (which require fingerprinting) from the FBI and every state and country lived in since the 18th birthday. This is particularly onerous for me, given that I have lived in six states and one foreign country. OK. I take a deep breath and start working on the lists.

And then, while looking for other information in the application materials (which I downloaded from the CIC web site), I found the requirement that one collect detailed letters from every employer since age 18. That's impossible ... my heart sinks lower and lower. I can't do this. I get a bit ... emotional. Not listening to much in the way of reason, Alan does get me to email the guys in Denver that had their application at least get them a place in the queue. I say, "why bother?" and he says, "just do it." So I do and then don't go near the computer for three days.

Well, Nick gives me hope. He explains that you can write a letter of explanation that includes the requested information in lieu of a letter from an employer of, say, ten years ago. Only a couple weeks in and already I feel that I've been on an emotional roller coaster. So I ask Alan if we really want to go through with this. What if we jump through all the hoops and they reject us? We won't know unless we try. Do we want to be here ten years from now woulda/coulda/shoulda? So onward.

Makin' a list and checking it a few dozen times. I went through a background check for a job a few years ago, so a lot of my list is pre-made. But still, it takes a lot of work. With the magic that is the internet (and by finding some old address books where I cleverly had listings for "me"), I manage to pull it together. Alan is still trying to fill in some gaps.

August 14 - 16: worked on getting employment letters, ordered birth ceritifcates and school transcripts, was fingerprinted too many times at the downtown police station, and sent away for my police clearance from a small Central American country. (Yeah, I know, good luck with that.)

August 20: Mailed the (domestic) requests for police clearances -- all ten of them (between the two of us). By the way, we're already in the hole more than $350.00 with fees, postage, and phone calls.

As of today (Aug. 27), we've received some transcripts and our birth certificates. We're continuing to work on filling out the forms, trying to find all the places where we don't know something so that we can work on finding the answers while we wait on the police clearances. We've heard the FBI takes about 11 weeks. We'd like to have everything ready when the clearance arrives so we can send our application. That is, if we decide to cross that Rubicon ...

Disclaimers

2005-08-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

If you knew me, you'd know that this is so ... me ...

1. I'm not intending to dispense any legal or official advice. This blog will just tell our experiences and impressions. When it comes to the emigration/immigration process, rules can and DO change. Also, there may be something in your experience that makes the process different for one reason or another.

2. I don't mind intelligent sharing of ideas or debate; in fact, I crave it. But I find it rare. If your views differ from something posted, I welcome your participation if you can refrain from bigotry, name-calling, and deliberate distortion of facts.

3. Assume good intentions. I don't know everything and I don't pretend to. Feel free to educate; just don't think that ignorance equals stupidity or prejudice. At the same time, feel free to ask questions without fear that your head will be bit off. I'll do my best to assume good intentions as well.

4. We are a couple, but you'll just hear from me. It would take an act of G-d to hear from the other half. But he does exist. (That is, my other half exists ... G-d existing is open to debate ... but not one that I'd like to have here.)

Why did I create this blog?

2005-08-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

Other blogs have helped me and maybe I can be helpful to someone contemplating moving from the U.S. to Canada. I have read blogs by a woman who just (in late July) received her permanent resident card and is in Canada with her husband and children, a woman from New York who has been approved and is moving very soon with her partner (countdown is less than a week now!), and another male/male couple that have submitted their application in February and have a place in the queue for review. (They're in waiting mode now.)

I'm new to all of this and I'm not sure of the etiquette. I feel I should ask permission before I mention a person's name (or nom du internet) or blog. That's why I'm not being more specific. [I've since been informed by L-girl that it's OK to link to anyone who has a blog, so I have edited this post not knowing HTML but cutting and pasting and crossing my fingers.]

I will use this blog to document our process as we complete the application for permanent residency in the skilled worker category. We're proceeding as though we're going through with it -- and we're pretty sure at this point that we are. Decision time will be when we've completed the application to the best of our ability, ready for submission. The application fee is hefty, and it's not refundable. Truth is, we're already emotionally invested (as well as out a few hundred dollars) and our hearts are dreaming of life in a kinder, gentler place where our family is recognized and the values are more akin to our own. (When I'm not tired after a day's work, I hope to write more about that.)

Nothing earth-shattering. But it may be helpful to someone.

My first post

2005-08-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

This is a first post, a test post. Can you tell I'm new to blogging? Please be patient and forgive me while I figure this out.